When I woke up the next morning, I felt so numb. Like all the emotion had left my body. I just wasnt myself at the moment. My depression was back and there was nothing I could do. I got up and got myself ready for the day. I forgot most of what had happened last night, since I passed out at some point. But what brought all of it back to me was a sharp shining pain up my arms. Shit. I got dressed and made sure to hide anything before leaving the house for school.
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Once I got there, I went to the libary to grab some books for a few classes, when I saw sasha, darren and quinni. I ended up getting roped into a photoshoot, for cash. It was so fun. Once we finally got the perfect shot, darren sent it to him. Cash kept going in and out of typing but in the end he never did. I knew cash well enough to know he was just awkward when it comes to this sort of stuff. As far as I knew he was a virgin and had no experience of anything even remotely sexual.
In sluts I could tell cash was overthinking something. But he had no clue I knew exactly what is was. And I wasn't gonna mention it. If he needed to talk to me he would. Jojo got out the box, "i dont want to hear any shaming. Am i clear? Alright whose first, harper." "I have to know the person properly before I have sex with them." "Verry good, and verry common" "I can only cum to house music." "Thats ant" spider yelled, making everyone chuckle when ant admitted he wrote it. "Um, it just says foot" amreie read. I decided to put my hand up to read the next note. Jojo chose me, so I walked to the front and picked a paper. I gasped when I read it. "miss i cant read this one, can i pick a new one" I asked. "I already said no shaming so no" "No i really cant read this" jojo told me to just read it so I did. "Harper likes to get double dicked my dusty and malakai" everyone started laughing. "Okay, who the fuck wrote this."
Spider got kicked out for writing it but how would he know. Malakai looked really off recently. He hasn't been himself since the incident at mardi gras. Amerie was seeing if it wat true and everything else was chaos. I felt awful for malakai. I know he shouldn't have cheated or whatever but the poor boy has been through enough recently. Spider laughed at everything that was going on and malakai completely snapped. He got dragged back while Spider ran off. I walked over to everyone and got his attention. "Malakai, come for a walk with me, yeah. We'll go get some air." I gave him a soft smile, and held out my hand, which he took and I led him to a bench outside.
"Hey, do you want to talk it might feel better to get some shit off your chest. I wont tell anyone. Pinky swear." I help up my pinky which he wrapped his around. "It was after mardi gras. When i ran away, harper and dusty chased me and took me home. I has emotional and i was relly high so they we just helping me out. But when we got to dustys house, we all hooked up. It was consentual but its all i can think about. And ive just felt like shit since then and i couldnt tell anyone about it." He ranted to me "Hey, its okay. You were vulnerable and im not saying they raped you but you werent in control of your emotions. And like i said if you need anyone to talk to i am always here for you." I gave him a hug and we just sat together for a while, before we decided to ditch.
After spending the day at the beach, just chatting, malakai dropped me off at home, and told me he was going to talk to amerie. When I was alone again all the emptiness hit again. There was nothing to distract me from it all. I went to my room and layed in bed staring into space. Then there I was, repeating my actions from last night. When I get bad it can take months to get me back to normal. I shut everyone out, and won't get help.
I went in my bedside drawers and got our a little bag with a few pills in it. I took two of them, and sat on my bed waiting for them to hit. When they did I felt happy. For the next few hours I would actually feel something. I put on my shoes and walked around my area aimlessly. I decided to go to the basketball game at school, so I headed there.
I walked into the hall, and found darren, sasha, quinni and amerie on the bleachers. I walked over to them and sat next to quinni, as sash was shouting about the school mascot being a bin chicken. "I still can't believe they have a bin chicken as our mascot. " "I know it was a landslide" sasha replied, laughing at the scene.
The mascot started attacking miss woodsy while she tried speaking. "Just before we kick it off, its time to announce the winner of the PlayStation gift voucher. So the winner is, jenny pilcher" some people clapped but most didn't bother. "Awhh sorry quinni. I can buy you one if you want" I told her and she smiled at me, still upset about it.
"Lets hear it for the teams!" The two basketball teams ran in and everyone was cheering. I didnt mind being here, since I was in my own world. I saw malakai, and he didn't look okay at all. My heart broke for him. He told me he hasnt been feeling right recently and I can see that. I wasn't overly paying attention to the game but I could tell malakai was not in the right mindset to be playing.
While the cheerleaders were doing there mid game performance, we all saw malakai walk out of the hall. I got up and ran across the court, following him. After we talked about life for a while, and me opening up about stuff to him as well for a change, I walked him home, then went to cash's house, since we haven't seen eachother in ages.
