Skinny Minnie

Chapter 16: The AfterLife

I opened my eyes to find myself standing in a field.

Automatically I held up my arms and checked them and my legs out.

No horrible scars like Trinity.  I breathed a sigh if relief.

I remember that sharp paper cut-like feeling when I drew that knife along my skin.  The piercing sting when the blood began running.

I shivered involuntarily.  A voice called out to me.

"Minnie."  One word repeatedly.

"Yes?" I turned to see my mother there.

"Hello Minnie." she smiled but her smile didn't reach her eyes.  Her eyes were said and she looked so lost and empty.

"What's happening to me Mom?" My voice cracked and I felt tears spilling over my cheeks.

"You need to calm down Minnie."

"Am I dead?  I want to be dead Mom!  I'm tired of feeling all of this without really feeling.  It's like...Emotion is being bottled up and the only way I can release it is physically."  I confessed stepping closer to my Mom.

Mom walked up to me-almost floating- and took me in her loving arms.

"I ws so mean to you.  My only daughter.  You must hate me."  she murmured into my hair.

I pulled back a bit in surprise.  "Never." I said firmly.  "I could never hate you.  I love you Mom.  With everything."

Mom smiled and gently placed her hands on my forearms.

"It's time for you to leave."  she stated.

"What? No! I want to stay with you!  I can't lose you again.  Please Mom! Please!  Don't leave me!"  I cried trying to stumble into her.

She turned and began walking away but I could hear her voice.  "I will always be with you, my love."

I closed my eyes one final time and whispered, "Take me home..."

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I fluttered my eyelids and noticed many people surrounding me.

A tube was in my mouth, my nose, and I could barely breathe.

My heart felt dead and I faintly heard a very slowly beeping sound.  I realized it was my heart rate.

What?  It should be way faster.

It was getting slower...slower.....slower..........

I gently closed my eyes and tried to listen to what the people were saying.

But everything was fuzzy. The voices mingled and became one giant murmur.  I took a small breath and gently blew it out.

Mom? It's me.  I love you.

The beeping was slowing and there was nothing to do.

When people say, their life flashed before their eyes.

It's true.

When I was four and fell off my bike after riding it for the first time.

I was 10 when a boy called me pretty and I punched him.

I was 14 and i got my first kiss.

16 and I drove the car into a tree.

17 I started throwing up and starving myself.

19 getting better at the Health center.

20 Cutting myself and starting to throw up again after all my hard work.

Now, lying on my literal death bed wishing I could take it all back.  But in life there are no give backsies.

I just wish I could have realized that beofre I made my life and death mistake.

I took in my last breath and held it a bit longer.

Then I flat lined.

I'm coming Mom.  We can wait for Dad together.  Just hold on.