Thorns of a Cruel Summer

Kabanata 13

Kabanata 13

Lose

I couldn't forget about it until I got home. We had a small argument, but I flouted all of his statements while processing the kiss. It is not just a kiss; it was something I couldn't tell because, for years, I only experienced it now. It was enraged, merciless, and impatient.

"Friends don't kiss, Eren. I was wrong." It keeps popping in my head. Sa tuwing sinasabi niya iyon, walang pumapasok sa utak ko dahil... nakangiti lang ako ng tago.

He likes me? I can't answer this right now because he never said anything about it after he accompanied me. He just said that we will talk about it when tomorrow comes, which is now. I am waiting at the mall with Kalim. Sinadya ko na sa kaniya magpasama. I want to know his opinion about it, although I couldn't say it in an immediate manner because I am scared that I already know his opinion about this. He'd be shocked.

Wala naman akong ibang mapagsabihan dahil busy ang pinsan. All I have now is Kalim. Hindi puwedeng kay Yaya Lita, dahil alam kong magugulat siya, ngunit kukutyain lamang ako kay Ylaro.

I personally choose Kalim; he is a man too. Malamang ay alam niya ang tungkol dito.

Humahanap ako ng tiempo. Sa tuwing susubok ako, lagi siyang may itinururo at agad na bibilihin. O 'di kaya'y magta-try ng mga free taste.

Lumipas ang ilang oras, Ylaro didn't show up. Though Kalim keeps me company, nandito kami ngayon sa food court. I've never been here. I don't like it here; people are so loud. Sinabi ko na kay Kalim na baka puwede kaming kumain sa isang resto na lang, and I will pay for it, but he said no, saying he likes eggs coated with an orange batter.

He is still eating. I bit my lip and fixed how I sat. "W-Well, Kalim..."

He stopped for a bit, looking at me while his mouth was full. Agad din siyang tumigin sa kinakain, but I continued.

"K-Kalim, I know I asked you something like this long ago, b-but I think Ylaro likes me."

I shrieked when he coughed, along with the egg he was eating. He immediately wiped his mouth and the table. Nag-abot din siya ng tissue sa akin.

"Wait, wait," he said, trying to process everything I said. "Ylaro... he likes you?"

Tumango ako, walang pag-aalinlangan.

"How do you say so? I am sure Ylaro will never... like you."

Mas napaayos ako ng upo dahil doon. My stomach got upset for a second, but I moved on from it immediately.

"N-Nothing! He is just showing some motives... wala naman," I said, hindi na sinabi ang nangyari sa Coron.

He nodded. I don't know if he's mad. Kunot ang noo at tumigil na sa pagkain. "Was he the one you are talking about? When we were texting? Because Serendra, no. He won't like you."

"Why are you so sure, Kalim? Do you know him that much?"

I just couldn't understand. He seems so sure in the way he says it. Did Ylaro talk to him?

I know Ylaro; he would never tell Kalim what happened, and if he did, Kalim would probably get mad. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit naging ganito ang reaksyon ni Kalim.

Does he hate Ylaro? Won't he support his friends liking each other? But I am sure! Ylaro likes me! There is no way that he doesn't; he will never do that if he doesn't like me. Let's say that he regretted it, but he likes me!

"May sinabi siya sa'yo? Did he personally tell it to you?"

"No! But I can feel it!"

He laughed sarcastically and bent forward. "Hindi ka sure, Serendra. You may feel that way, but I am sure you are wrong. If he likes you, he will say it."

I blinked multiple times. "But I am really sure, Kalim! It's just..."

"He didn't even come. Why? Did he kiss you? Hug you? Show you something that would probably make you feel insane? Hindi? If not, stop, Serendra. Sigurado akong hindi ka magugustuhan ni Aki. Don't even hope."

Mag gagabi na nang mapagdesisyunan na naming umuwi. After talking, I never dared to force him to believe me. The way he was so sure confuses me. I know there is a deeper reason why he thinks like that.

Binitbit niya ang bag ko na hindi ko naman sinabi. We're walking our way through our mansion. Nadaanan namin ang bahay nina Ylaro, but I never expected that I'd see him.

"Wala ka namang girlfriend, hindi ba?"

I stopped. He laughed so softly that it showed his perfect teeth and dimples.

"No, I don't."

"Talaga? So puwede tayong mag-date niyan?"

He squinted his eyes. "We can be friends." He smiled more.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kaniyang kamay. They are holding hands. Holding hands.

Kalim held my hand, but I revoked it. Gumawa iyon ng ingay na nagpakuha ng atensyon nila.

"Hi, Serendra!" si Mary.

I bit my lip. I stared at Ylaro; he just... looked at me blankly and told Mary to walk away. I don't know what he said, but it made Mary giggle.

Fuck you, Sandeja.

Kinuha ko ang bag ko at tumakbo papauwi sa mansion. Thinking nothing but the time we spent together. The jokes, wisdom, and knowledge that we both shared. The signs that made me think he liked me. And finally, the kiss that meant nothing. All of it. All of it vanished. He never cared at all.

If Ylaro couldn't lose me, then a friend is losing me.