Thorns of a Cruel Summer

Kabanata 1

Kabanata 1

Gusto

I've never hated someone this much in my whole life. I didn't know when it started, but when Kyle and I broke up, my hatred against him flourished like a conceited rose. 

I never know what his voice sounds like, what facial expressions he makes often, or what his favorite hobbies are because we are strangers, and yet... I hate him. Mas lumala yata iyon nang maging kaklase siya. 

"You can date anyone you want, Hija. I am letting you walk the path that you will take, and in time, will teach you," Mama said while brushing my hair. 

Ngumuwi ako bilang tugon sa kaniyang tinuran. I am not disappointed because I know she will never restrict my future plans. I like excursions; even without my family, I can travel alone. Natuto rin kay Kyle, at sa ibang kaibigan na pinapayagan ng magulang. Maybe I was just a bit skeptical about my mother's decision because most parents wouldn't let their kids date at such a young age. 

"Did you date a lot of boys too when you were younger, Mama?"

I heard my mother chuckle in a timid manner; it took her minutes to answer my question. "W-Well, I wasn't attractive back then, so I never dated a-anyone... except your father. So, I am letting you choose the right man for you."

"Is Papa not the right man for you?" I asked that I didn't even stutter. 

"He is, Hija," she answered immediately. "Ang akin lang, date as much as you want until life teaches you what you need to learn, and know your limits."

I dated many men after Kyle, but when mama said that she never dated anyone before papa, it made me envy her. Papa must want her so much because she never loved anyone before him. Then, would it be difficult for my right man to love me? Is that how it works?

"M-May tao, Serendra!" anang pinagbantay ko.

I looked behind me and watched the person walk toward us.

It was Ylaro.

Nanginginig ang bantay na pinilit ko pa. She fixed her glasses and bit her lip while looking at me with her scared and quivering lips. 

Hindi ko pa nasisindihan ang sigarilyo, at ang bagong boyfriend ko, late pa. I crumpled the cigars and looked at him darkly. Tinawag niya ang pinagbabantay ko at pinabalik sa classroom. 

"Pati ang SSC, binayaran mo. Tinakot mo si Sheena. You've gotten too far, Eren," aniya sa mahinahon, ngunit may diin na boses. 

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "I did it because I could. Bakit ka ba nangingialam? Lunch pa naman ngayon, kj." Umirap ako. 

"Lunch ended ten minutes ago. Our science teacher has some errands to run. I am your class president, and I am empowered to discipline you. Thus, you have no right to roam around on the school premises without my permission."

Mas lalo akong napairap. His words and his language. Nakakairita. 

Ipinagpag ko ang aking pang-ibabang uniporme at inilabas ang telepono. I texted my boyfriend that we'd talk after school. Pinahiya niya ako. 

Iniwan ko ang mga kalat sa bench. Madalas, dito sa garden ang tambay namin dahil walang tumatao, at akala ng faculty, palaging sa likod ng eskuwelahan ang ganap na ganito. Kinuntiyaba ko na rin ang SSC. Kaunting chocolate at pangbobola, ayos na. 

I walked toward him. In-examin ko ang kabuuan niya. Nothing has changed. Noong grade seven hanggang ngayon, gano'n pa rin ang itsura niya. Round face, narrow eyes. Siguro, mas tumapang lamang siya ngayon.

Nang nasa harapan ko na, nag-iwas siya ng tingin at inayos ang makapal na glasses. 

"I don't like you roaming around wearing that smell," aniya at tiningnan na ako. His eyes stayed on a particular part of my neck. I saw his Adam's apple move. "Fixed the unbottoned buttons, hindi naman bagay," aniya sa sadya kong pagpapakita ng dibdib. 

Insulto akong natawa. "I doubt you saw something like this. Wala ka namang alam kundi tumapat sa libro magdamag."

"I saw plenty of those, Eren. Malaki. Sa internet," aniya. "At ang iyo, na maliit."

Simula noong araw na 'yon, natuto na akong hindi ilabas ang nainsultong dibdib. I felt so insecure about it. I stopped wearing v-neck shirts. That day, he lent me his extra shirt, na tinapon ko rin naman. 

I hated him more for giving me insecurity and judging my physical appearance. Gusto ko sana siyang tawanan niyon, dahil sa internet lamang siya nakakakita, ngunit nang insultuhin ang akin, halos itikom ng buong mundo ang aking labi. 

Ylaro is friendly. Even though he has many responsibilities as the president of the classroom, he still allots his time to help our classmates with difficult activities. Kung minsan, nagpapa-cute lang ang iba para mapansin niya. 

I noticed that he is friends with everyone. He doesn't have a particular circle; he gets along with anyone except me. 

I have never had a friend. Lahat ng kaeskuwela at kaklase namin, siya ang gusto, at dahil alam nila ang bangayan namin, mas ginugusto siya ng karamihan. 

Most of the time, I don't pay attention to his conversation with my classmates. Most of it is about activities, pero iba ngayon. 

"Marami talagang nagkakagusto sa'yo pamula sa senior high, Akio! Nag-meeting kayo ni Janine kanina, 'di ba? Sus! Hindi naman tungkol sa meeting ng presidents 'yon! Gusto ka lang ayain mag-date," anang kausap ni Ylaro na nakaupo sa armchair at masayang nagkukwento sa kaniya. 

"Oo nga, Akio. Mabait 'yon! Kung ako sa'yo," anang isa naming lalaking kaklase na kumindat pa. 

Ylaro just shook his head and spread his lips slowly in a timid yet alluring smile. "May iba na akong nagugustuhan."