Balance (Vexxieverse Series - Part 3)

The Reason Why (L, Z)

Louis

April

Niall came out of the house, full of smiles, with an obviously floaty Harry under his arm. Looked like Niall did a number on him, just as Louis had to his floaty boys. Liam and Zayn had collapsed on the sand and were soaking up the sun, happy in their post sex high. Louis savored the sight of his sun kissed boyfriends with a beer and uncapped a second one for Niall. He had a feeling he'd want it when they got to the tent.

"Feeling better, then?" Louis smiled and handed him the drink. Harry toppled over Liam and Zayn and they all melted into each other.

Niall sat on the beach towel and exhaled a sigh, like he had held in for days. He was smiling too, but his eyes were red. Louis's face fell, and he ran his hand up and down Niall's back in comfort. The boys were baking out in the sun, they couldn't hear much from their happy little subspace bubble (technically Zayn wasn't under, but he might as well have been since he got off twice) so Louis asked quietly, "You ok?"

Niall took a drink. "I am now, yeah. I wasn't." He grimaced at Louis. "I haven't been very honest lately. I told Harry I've been thinking about leaving because.."

Louis scrambled to move in front of Niall to get in his eyeshot. Forced him to look at him. How could he even consider that? What the fuck was he talking about?

"Niall, you have to tell me your colors. I can't know where you are if you don't talk to me. I'm sorry if I pushed you too far last night, but I trust you to speak up. Please don't.. I'm sorry if I fucked up, but you can't just.."

Zayn sat up and looked over at them. Louis tried to be quiet, but he was freaking out! Harry tugged Zayn's arms and spoke softly to Ziam. Hopefully explaining whatever the fuck Niall was about to say.

"No, I know. It's on me. I'm not leaving. We had a good talk. But Lou, I'm not doing any more surprise scenes. Either include me in the beginning or I'm not participating. And it feels like shit to not participate, so I hope you'll consider letting me help instead of just Zayn sometimes. I know I'm the least experienced, but if you want me to feel equal to everyone else, I need you to find a way because I've been feeling like a fifth wheel."

Shit.

Louis pulled Niall in for a kiss. "I'm so sorry, baby. Ok what can we do? What's going on?"

The boys were all staring still, so Louis motioned them to the tent.

Niall frowned and tried to tell them to go back to their floaty place, but they all gathered anyway, with tension all over their faces. Post-scene discussions weren't just to talk about how good things were. The whole point was to make sure everyone felt secure and comfortable after. This is exactly why Louis enforced the talks. Niall hadn't felt secure after a scene, so it needed to be discussed, even if it was hard for them all to hear.

"This stuff kind of still embarrasses me. I have a lot of like, kink shame or something. I spent my life trying to suppress this side of me and then you four just.. You know most people get an easier introduction to this world, from my understanding." Niall blushed, but Louis was proud he was finally talking about it.

Zayn hugged his arms around his own legs and rested his chin on his knees. "Niall, this stuff... it's important, but it's separate. You weren't really going to leave us over it, were you? I thought.. I thought you were happy with us. We can slow the kink down, but you can't just abandon us because we didn't know..."

"I'm not Zayn. I'm ok now, I promise. But I need you guys to slow down with me. Like Harry just did. He made me feel a lot better." Niall smiled at Harry and Harry crawled to snuggle back into his lap.