My honest Mistake

A little stress can go a long way

"Wait so I'm going to be an auntie?" Bella asked as she jumped for joy, back and forth from her left side to her right.

           I wanted so hard to tell her she was wrong and that she shouldn't be happy about this but I was happy myself. I mean, yeah I wanted to wait until I was 30 to have my first kid but the thoughts that crossed my mind was something that warmed my heart.

            The thought of me having a little girl really made my heart burst into joy. It was like I was having a mini version of me. I never really saw myself as a boy mom but a girl mom...I know we'd have so much fun together.

            "I have to talk with the supposed mother and father about this whole thing. We don't know for sure what's going on." I said,

            "Yeah but you're the biological mother. What are they going to have on you?" Bella asked as she sat on my bed.

            "I'm a 26 year old woman, that finally started living on my own as of a couple months ago. I still sleep around like crazy and I have a drinking problem, and I'm not even mentally stable to provide for a child knowing I can't even provide for myself." I said

            My body plopped onto my bed as a frustrated groan escaped my lips. I hated having second thoughts. I really liked the thought of being able to be a mother and even better to be a mother to a girl but I wasn't ready.

            This was my only chance at being a mother as well. My mind was on the balance of wanting to fight for my child and not being enough for my child. This decision wasn't going to be made over night but I knew I needed to make up my mind fast. This hesitance wasn't a very good look for me.

"Spencer, you're going to be a great mom. Mother's make mistakes as well as everyone else. You are human so you're bound to make mistakes. You aren't your parents, Spence. You will be the most amazing and wonderful parent to this child." She took her hands in mine.

"I don't exactly have a mom to look up to as an example of how to be a good mother or what to even do. I mean, yeah I do have my own mother but she was hardly around when it came down to her clothing business. The best woman for that job was my grandmother. She raised me into the woman I am now and every since she's been gone, I've been acting out. What if things get hard and I result into drinking?" I asked her,

She frowned before pulling me into a hug and letting my head rest on her shoulder. I could feel my heart in my throat and no tears on my face. I wasn't much of a crier. I didn't cry for things like this, or even funerals. Just nothing. I would say that I was an emotionless person and that was going to effect me with raising a child.

They needed care and they needed love and once again, how was I going to love someone and I didn't even know how to love myself.

"You aren't alone in this, Spence. The baby will have a loving Auntie and uncle on their side. If you settle with an agreement with the adoption parents then they'll have not one but two mothers and a father. That damn baby would be spoiled with all this the dirty filth of Duponté's money and whatever finances the other family has. The baby would be surrounded with people who love them very much and the support system would be off the roof." She assures before rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand.

            I smiled at the thought and at her words. She then got up from my bed and ran over to my closet and grabbed one of my shirts and tossed it to me.

            "Get your ass up and let's go meet up with the doctors and these parents. I'm low key excited." She squealed,

I groaned before getting up and applying the shirt on. Today was going to be a long day and I already knew it.