The Love They Never Had: The Chase

Chapter 248: Delusions (Mangsang)

"Seo Yeon...she will wait for me at the gate with lunch and dinner already waiting for me, no matter which mood she is in. Even if we fight, she will still serve me to the best of her abilities because she knows it is what I need, and she will make everything from scratch with her own hands. She dislikes using the servants and will even make my clothes from scratch so that I budget my money, even when she has no access to it at all. And then she will fix up a bath for me as soon as dinner is done with and she..." "and she what?" "She will make me soak for a long time, and will bring me some light snacks and drink..." "Does she massage you? In the bathtub?" "Only when I make time to train myself, then she will..." I regretted asking him such a personal question when I myself had never experienced anything close to what he described at all. My wedding night was a far from what all the concubines around me seemed to go through as they all kept getting pregnant in succession. Whereas with myself, it was awkward, painful and it lacked any sort of sincerity, mindfulness or even pleasure. But why was that with me when it was clearly not the same of everyone else. So did the problem lie with me? Was that why he avoided being with me? If I wanted to get pregnant, then I needed to do something about this issue.
"...His Highness has been rather busy of late, but he should make it up to us soon." "That is right, he shall have no time to commit to the Noble Princess since he will be too busy with the new concubines..." "...and they are all wearing the finest light clothing as possible whilst she dresses herself like an old woman..." Imperial Family members and their spouses were always supposed to wear darker coloured clothes to show off their maturity... "...Seo Yeon dresses herself in light clothing of my liking. She knows that I identify with the colour blue the most, so she will always wear something in navy blue..." No, I should not fall for that trap and be to extravagant, not at my age, and I am suer that my husband wouldn't appreciate it either. I was a frugal wife who is bound t the laws of my husbands ancestors, so I should continue to be as such, instead of listening to these silly concubines who places themselves right outside my door for me to listen to this nonsense and

"...they have been kneeling for a while now, we should relieve them from this embarrassment now." "Goodness, I was too absorbed in this conversation to remember them at all." No, I just couldn't let this opportunity pass by, it wasn't like my husband could do anything to me anyways, not when I could hold his sordid secrets over his head. In fact, I was going to see him now just because I could, because he was my husband and I could have as much access to him as Nam Seon-Ho did to his best friend's sister, apparently. But I wasn't going to be the same person that I had been this entire time, since it only managed to push him away from me. Being sickly sweet was far from who I was, but if that behaviour managed to win over someone as inflexible as Nam Seon-Ho, then why couldn't it work out for my own unbending husband?
"...it seems as though your distant in-laws care more about your family's matters over state affairs brother, now what are you going to do?" "They can ask about my family affairs within bunds of propriety, but as courtiers, they are certainly throwing their weight around and holding me in contempt." "Is that why they are doing everything they can to establish an alliance with you by trying to marry with your last man standing? The only one that our fifth brother didn't manage to kill through that Nam servant? You are supposed to be monarch and subject before relatives through marriage." "It is truly a pity that only you understand second brother, and no such a family of established nobility. And just before this mess, they actually worked up the nerve to harass Seo Hwi and his family. No wonder he has been keeping his distance from me lately, I really do not blame him. And whilst my wife is under home arrest, her family send their greetings to her with every message." "So the message is clear; they intend to disrespect you like this until you patch things up with your wife...which is why you bought in new concubines after the loss of your..." "Do not speak about it brother! It is bad enough that this move of mine will hurt the only concubine that I care about, but it needs to be done. I need heirs and I need them now, to stop my wife's family abuse of trust of the monarchy." "...or continue to let it happen and use it as another reason as to why you should depose her and quickly. But..." "Say what is on your mine brother, as you usually do." "Isn't is a little coincidental how you cannot find the infamous physician that can cure this plague, which is the only thing keeping your wife in power? You do not suppose..." "I have had my doubts....but surely she wouldn't be that deranged as to..."
So this is what my husband thought about me? After everything that I did to stay in power just so that I could continue to help my husband flourish in his monarchy? Nothing but resentment and ridicule? And why? Why was it when other women helped their men that they were praised and loved for it like Seo Yeon, but when it came to me, I faced nothing but humiliation time after time? I wasn't strong enough to do this in the past, but now I was ready to teach my husband a lesson once and for all and I will just see how well he got on in life without my help. Damned this confinement to hell as I was going to take up my duty as the Noble Princess Consort and I will see exactly what he can do to me whilst I kept his secrets safe, as I should as a wife.

"Announcing the presence of The Noble Princess Consort!" I arrived in the hall where the new concubines were kneeling in my light blue outfit that I had been waiting to wear for almost a decade now. I was well aware of the fact that it didn't suit a woman of my age, but now that I thought about it, there was never ever a single time where I was made to feel pretty or even beautiful at all. I often stood in front of the mirror alone and wondered how ugly a woman can possibly be, especially when beauty was only skin deep, but ugliness went straight into the bones. But as time went on, I realised that it was better to be strong and feared than being pretty and useless, just like Hui-Jae turned out to be as soon as someone else rose up to take her place as the village beauty. But as for myself, I was going to indulge myself from now on since there was nobody else to do it for me...
"...well well, you are all very well attired; your dresses must be very expensive, even though we are still in the midst of a plague. But I guess that just shows how determined my husband is in having more children." "Thank you, Your Highness, these are all gifts from The Concubine Park..." "Is that so? She must be a very generous woman indeed to share her husband as soon as she lost her baby. And as for you in particular, you seem to have an air of elegance around you, and you are still so visible despite your inconspicuous dress in particular. His Majesty certainly possess a keen eye for beauty, you may rise." "Thank you, Your Highness. You have the face of a peony flower; pale as the candlelight when compared to the radiance of your smile." "How sweet of you, but I am sure that phrase is more suited for my husband's beloved combine." "Your Highness has the face of a mudan peony whilst Her Ladyship has the face of a shaoyao peony, whereas the rest of us newly selected concubines are incomparably inferior. We are here to simply expand the Imperial family and nothing more." "Very good; you all must not displease His Majesty with jealousy and rivalry as he is dangerously low on Imperial Heirs. I have also sent my gifts to everyone of you to welcome you into the palace during this unsettling time, and the textiles would be more frugal during this trying time in our kingdom's history."

I relay could not believe the sight of these new concubines before we, but it was more than my husband had ever pulled together before. They were all new, slim, pretty and ready to bear him children, which I simply couldn't allow. But it was the concubine who caught my eye and I couldn't stop thinking about what an asset she could be to me instead of an enemy. Maybe, just maybe I could use her to bring my husband back to my side instead of piling more enemies in front of me that I would waste my time on. "You are all dismissed."