My life without my love

Part 1

I used to believe that my dreams would come true and I would live happily ever after. When I was younger and more ignorant than I am now i used to fantasize about what my life would be like when I grew up. I believed I would one day I would meet my prince Charming like Cinderella did, and we would live together until we died. I did meet my prince only for him to slip from my fingers so soon. My childhood fantasies had only partially come true and I was forever stuck in the middle. I lost everything that night, my husband, my clothes, my love, my friends. I was forever scarred by the life changing events that occurred when I stepped into that life boat on the R.M.S Titanic.

"Winnifred!"

I snap back into reality.

"Oh, Winnifred, I'm so sorry you have to go through this year after year." Marjorie says.

We're strolling through the park at the decade memorial of the tragedy of the R.M.S. Titanic.

"Do you want to talk about it" she asks

I shake my head no as we continue down the path. My daughter Jovie is holding Marj's hand and my son Adam walks ahead protectively.

"Okie Dokie" she says

I still haven't found it inside myself to admit what really happened that night. Marjorie lost her husband too that night and her young son a year later...she has nothing left except me. At least we have something in common Every April, I get this feeling, like my heart is breaking again and again. I try contemplating it, but I still can't get past the feeling.

" Hey mom, while we're here in the city, can we look at the windows on the big stores? Can we! Can we!?!?!" My daughter asks

"Sure dear, lets go to the square!" I reply and we go in that direction.

We walk past the Lord and Taylor, and the Gimbels. In the window display, I see a bright blue dress, that catches my eye.

"Look!" I practically shout

Its a blue dress with white polka dots and a white lace collar.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

Jovie looks at me with awe in eye.

"Can't I have it mama? Can't I?" she asks

I think for a moment and look at the price sign, which read $1.50. It was going to be tight for the next week if I get this for her. But there are so few things in life to cherish.

"Sure Jovie, let me run inside to purchase it, but if I get it for you, you need to behave yourself do you understand?"

She nods her head and I quickly run inside the store where a friendly clerk awaits me and asks if I need assistance. I ask her if she has the blue dress in a size 10-12 girls. She brings me the dress and hands me a receipt. I thank her and run out with my treasure.

On the train ride home, my daughter falls asleep on Adam's shoulder. I think of what their lives would've been like if Alex was here. I still can't bring myself to say that he...that he..., never mind. Would he come home and kiss me hello, everyday after work? Swing Jovie up in the air like a rag doll? Pat Adam on the back? My life is still a mystery, I can only hope that I can provide my family with what they need to survive in the coming days. Adam carries Jovie into the house but she wakes up anyway.

"Well, since you're awake, why don't you go try on your new dress?"

She gives me a look that is so dramatic it's like I asked her to cut her head off.