That time you saved me

Hospital

Note: please read the warnings for this chapter! 🙏

Note (from ao3): Trigger warning! Mention of self harm!

Putting that there just in case

There's one more chapter left after this. I can't believe I'm reaching the end of some of my fic. I'll miss writing for them. As for this one, I already knew since the start that I wanted it to be a short story of at least 5 chapters

Sorry for the late update by the way! Sorry it was long before I updated this story!

Enjoy this chapter!
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Now that I knew that Anna was in town, we sometime see each other. Ray too. Sherry was always so happy to see them.

Emma and me went to more dates? I guess we can call them dates, right? That's how she likes to call them anyway. We went to more dates together. And, honestly, I like it.

But everytime I was coming back home, that crushing feeling would always come back. I don't know what it is, but it's familiar. It's the same feeling I have when I'm alone. That same feeling of like you're a stranger in your own body. Like you're not... there. But you're there. That feeling that your body isn't yours anymore. Like you can't feel anything. Like you could just-

But then Sherry would come and I would go back into my body. And I would feel something again. She really was what was keeping me alive right now.

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Emma had left the company. She had graduated and was about to become a teacher, like she wanted. I was sad about that fact, but I was happy for her.

It would feel lonely now without her.

Sherry would soon start school. I'll be alone now. But it's not like it was the first time I would be alone. I'll get use to it. I know I will.

I couldn't sleep at night. I hate to be insomniac. It's like God, if there's any, really hated me or something. That and, I'm never hungry. I will only eat so I'm not worrying Sherry, but it's never because of hunger. It's more out of obligation. Like it's a task more than a need.

One day, when Sherry was asleep, I went to vomit all of my meal from the evening. It wasn't the last time that this happened. I don't know what's happening to me. What I know is that my body really hates me. And he's not the only one to do, so I'm not blaming him for this.

This emptiness.

I thought she had went away forever, but I don't know why she came back. I can't seem to be able to feel anything anymore. Except for loneliness and emptiness. I feel this way even if Sherry or Emma, or Anna, are there. I can't seem to be able to feel real anymore. Even the fake smiles that I'm used to give feels so much more real now.

My body is itchy. Like my soul doesn't belong in that body and wants to get away. My arms are so red from scratching them. I took off a bit of skin near my wrist and my elbow from how much I sctratched these areas. Those places and where some old scars are.

I can't do much about this, except for trying to free myself from that broken body of mine. That's also the only way I seem to be able to feel alive, to feel real.

I know it shouldn't be a good thing but, that's the only way I'm able to feel something. Sherry doesn't know and should never know about this. Emma shouldn't know about this too. And especially Anna.

Why can I always only feel pain?

Am I only destined to be in pain for the rest of my life?

Why can't I just be happy, like I was before my parents died and Anna was taking away from me?