Water Bottles and Crooked Smiles

two: flashbacks

dedicated to nova bc she puts up w my ranting and random thoughts and she's just amazing at like everything so.

Wyn had always had a way with words. Not only did she read them, but she wrote them. She would put them everywhere, too. Scribbling down poems on napkins and leaving them on restaurant tables for the next couple to stumble in, etching her favorite words on trees and writing quotes with the same purple sharpie in corners of streets.

When Kevin had asked her why she did this - he remembered this moment so well, the way she was standing in the alleyway illuminated by a lone streetlight, making her shoulder-length caramel hair glow and freckles look like little constellations across her nose - she capped her purple sharpie and smiled as if she were keeping a secret. "I like to leave pieces of myself everywhere," she whispered quietly, her smile lingering, "I like to bring out the beauty in forgotten places. I like to give the corners and napkins and alleyways meanings. I like to leave pieces of myself so that maybe, when I'm gone, I won't be."

Kevin hadn't understood this then, so he had nodded softly without remark.

But he understood it now, he understood it now that Wyn wasn't his. He understood how she would want to keep herself chained to the world in case she might lose it, because that's how he felt with her.

He should have left pieces of himself in her, so that maybe, she wouldn't have just forgotten. She wouldn't have wanted to forget. Pieces of him would be stuck to her and leaving him wouldn't have been easy. She wouldn't have been able to wash away what they once had like it was nothing, because then maybe to her, it wouldn't have been. Maybe, in a sense, if he had left pieces of him with her, he could've chained onto.

So he wouldn't have lost her.

After their break up, he visited all those little alleys and dug through his room to find all the scrap pieces of paper she'd left with pieces of herself. He read through them over and over, because it was all he had left of her. It was the only thing he could hold that represented evidence of the old Wyn. Some of them were meaningless words, some of them made sense, but others just made him wonder if she even thought the same way anymore.

>>>

At school the following Monday, after seeing Wyn a few days prior, Kevin was recalling and explaining in thorough detail to his best friend, Gwyn. She was never really a huge fan of Wyn for some reason.

Once, after the calamity of a break up, he was confiding his thoughts about it. He had been in the bargaining stage at that particular time (and still was, honestly), so he was telling her about how he should've done this and should've done that so he wouldn't have lost her.

"I'm telling you, Gwyn. We were meant to be." He had let out an exasperated sigh and buried his face into his hands frustratingly.

"If you were meant to be, then why aren't you together anymore?" She tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't agree.

"I wouldn't have lost her, Gwyn, if only I had--"

"No. No, Kev, no. This is not about you having to do something. If you had to change for her to accept you, or if you had to have done something for her to have stayed, then you never had her in the first place, did you?" She had been right, but he didn't want to admit it. There was no way he was going to agree with her, even though she was absolutely correct. He didn't say anything. But she was right. She always was. That's why she was his best friend.

Now, they sat at the circular table outside that they always did when one of them needed to think.

"Kevin," she began, already displaying a remorseful expression, "I don't think you should cling onto and support the idea of getting back with her, because I know you. I know that if it doesn't happen, you'll be devastated. Especially if you get as invested in it as you are now." She grabbed a French fry from his tray and nibbled on it quietly as he considered this.

"But I feel like I can get her back." He said, after sitting there silently.

"You always say that. I feel like we weren't meant to end. I feel like we were supposed to be together and I can get her back. But at some point or another, you need to realize that forever never really means forever. Forever has an expiration date, and yours has come. Maybe you need to just forget her." She said this nonchalantly at this point now, considering they'd had this conversation thousands of times because of Wyn giving him a glimmer of hope every once in a while.

"When did you become so bitter?" He teased, smirking. He knew when she had become so anti-love-and-feelings, but he didn't think it would last so long. Gwyn had never really been the type of girl who dated tons of guys, or any guys, ever, to be specific. It's not that she wasn't pretty, or that she was weird, it was just that she wasn't interested. Not since ninth grade, when her whole anti-love-and-feelings era began.

"When did you become so blind? Look, Kev. I just don't want you to get hurt. I know you and Wyn had some really great times, but..." Her voice trailed off.

"But what?"

"I just-I think you need to move on, okay?" She nervously smiled as she stuffed another French fry in her mouth before he could ask any more questions.

"Okay, I just. I'm worried I'll never find anyone better than her, you know?"

"Yeah. I know. You will, though." She gave him a reassuring smile as the bell rang and he sprang up from his seat.

>>>

Although Gwyn always dished out great advice, Kevin still wanted to talk to Wyn. He didn't think he could just give her up the way she did.

Sometimes, when he was in a contemplative mood, he would agonize and replay their breakup a considerable amount of times, as if maybe one of those times it would be different. As if maybe in one of those times, she never left. Sometimes he played out different scenarios where she actually showed some emotion and felt bad. Sometimes he played out scenarios where she didn't break up with him at all. His least favorite was reality, which was a "problem" according to Gwyn. She always said he needed to accept and be comfortable with reality, but he wasn't.

He couldn't get over the way she just texted him a short message.

I can't do this anymore. I can't b w someone like u, someone who pretends to live when they're dying, someone who dreams but never tries, someone whose dreams are my nightmares bc I know all ur gonna ever do is agonize and overthink but never actually live in the moment. I can't be with u anymore, Kevin, I don't want to be. and I don't have to be, so I'm not going to be.

But the thing was, he wanted to be with her. He wanted her and her little messages she left in places. He wanted her and the way she viewed everything as if it were art. He wanted her and the way she was the first one he ever loved and would ever love, because damn, he didn't think he could ever feel the way he did with her about any other human being.

note: yo guys. so let me know what u guys think so far lol. um I have a cast now.

disclaimer: I don't watch Teen Wolf. I just thought they were good for the cast. I totally imagine Kevin and Wyn and Gwyn as those people so. ALSO I literally just realized after writing this chapter that Gwyn is literally Wyn with a G so um yeah maybe I should change that sometime idk. happy summer also, to all of u guys who have summer break. anyway, let me know what u guys thought. sorry this story's kinda slow in the beginning. i'm trying to like, build it up and whatever idk. it'll get faster and more things will happen, I just want to provide background info and stuff.

ok well let me know ur thoughts and feelings and etc.!!

mads