Trigger warnings # religious and magic bs#chrisingeneral#mental illness#drug references and use#murder references#slurs
Phase one. This was always the easiest part for him, getting into Isaiah's house. Though it stood on the line of reality, just outside of what everyone else could see, it was never further than across any street.
He took a deep breath as he crossed the road, silently praying to whatever god listened to him anymore that Isaiah wouldn't be home. It's not like he didn't enjoy his company, but today he couldn't look at him. He knew they'd be disappointed seeing as Chris fell into a mild bit of insanity recently. His clothes covered in blood from a man who'd caught a glimpse of him.
That usually wasn't a problem, but being a demon has it's downfalls. He'd been starving himself, trying to avoid creating or eating negative energies for weeks now. Apparently refusal wasn't an option after so long he'd found out. Once the house appeared, he opened the door to peer inside. Looking around before stepping inside. Noticing nothing but the walls and owls caged in the middle of the room, he felt relieved. He approached the cage, taking off his jacket to cover it and keep the creatures from showing their keeper what he was doing there. "Sorry, no witnesses." He said jokingly before moving towards the hall. Isaiah's house was a wonder to him. Mostly empty, lacking in furniture, but the rooms always lead to different realms of realities and aspects of the mind. At the end of the hall, was where you'd find everything.
He remembered when Isaiah had shown him that room when they first began working together. He'd hated how dark it was for him, but right now that's where he needed to be. Opening the door he thought about what he wanted as to avoid it throwing him into something he didn't understand. When he walked in he was greeted by what appeared to be an angel, but looked exactly like him. " Scare yourself today?" He only nodded, closing the door and sitting down to lean against it. " It's definitely new for you. Killing because you have to instead of wanting to. Are you alright?" " I don't know. " Another apparition appeared, yet a different version of him. This one partially decayed, covered in dried blood. Their hair tangled, caught in the vein of the eye that fell from their face. " I'll answer that for him. No. He hasn't been okay since we were what? Twenty one?" And then another appeared, much younger than the rest. A fourteen year old Chris stood among the others, bruised and battered, but still smiling arrogantly. " I don't think we've ever really been okay." They replied. " If I knew we'd grow up to be like this, I'd of killed myself like Jacob." " It wasn't supposed to be like this." He finally said, slamming the back of his head against the door. " I don't know what you were expecting. " The decayed one said, lighting a cigarette. " We've never had anything really worth anything, have we? So what are you beating yourself up for? You just got a little hungry." " Nobody needed to die. " " Since when has that been our problem?'' " Since always. Look at us. We're fucking disgusting. " The youngest of them laughed. " Dude you've always been fucking disgusting. You're a faggot and that's why nobody liked you. I couldn't even be born right." The angel who had been silent up until this point,raised their hand and sent the others away. Kneeling in front of Chris, making him face them. " There was never anything wrong with you. " " They were right though. I was a fucking freak. I don't know why I was like that." " Because you were. Other's shouldn't have seen that as a reason to harm you. Humans are cruel in their ignorance. " " I was cruel though. Do you know what I've done to people? Except I knew better. That's why I'm worse." They nodded, sitting down to get more comfortable." I know why you did it too, and why you do what you do today. You knew better from a human perspective, yes, but you are only human. " " Not anymore though. I ruined that too. The one thing nobody could take I just threw away. That's such a fucking Chris move, isn't it?" " I suppose. Chris also does wonderful things, doesn't he?" " You and I both know that wonderful isn't the same as good." The other sighed, lowering their head. " You and I both also know that's not what I meant." He shrugged, getting up to pace the void. " I didn't mean to hurt him. I'm trying to do better, but I just keep getting worse." " It can seem like that, can't it?" " More than I think you know. " Another form of himself appeared in front of him, nearly knocking them over. This time they were in his suit from when he had performed as a stage magician, a bright smile decorated their face when they bowed. " Hardships, my dear. Not a man exists without them. Challenges create the peaks of our mountains where we claim glory." He glared at this one. In his mind, he knew this is where he should've stopped. Before the drugs and murder. He was happy then, but things went terribly less than two years in. " Here's a fortune for you. You're gonna get outted by some old school mates and jumped outside your last show. " He spat at them before pushing them back into the shadows. " Fucking dickhead." " Ruining another timeline for yourself out of self loathing?" " Self envy. " He corrected. " I know I ruined it all myself, but it shouldn't have happened the way it did. Just another example of me being hated before I even did anything. " The other stood up, walking over to them. " It was wrong what happened to you, but when you conspired with the demonic is when you became what you are now. " " Well obviously angels weren't on my side. Sunday morning, every week being reminded that god fucking hated me. Tell me how I was supposed to know he didn't. " Faith. " He scoffed, continuing to pace the darkness. " Every bit of my life was built on faith. Faith it'll get better, faith in my self, faith in what I was taught. Tell me what I should've done." " You should've actually listened to yourself." He sighed, going for the door. " Well I say I fucked up, so obviously that's what happened. I'm going to fix it though. I don't know how yet, but I'm going to fix this. I'll see you later." " Wait, just for a second. Do you want to see what I see?'' He hesitated on his answer, but let go of the door knob and turned back towards the other. " I'd be lying if I said no. " " I know." The angelic vision of the two opened a portal, showing what looked like Chris standing on a podium. They were speaking of love and understanding of the different people." Here is a timeline where you became an activist for gay rights. Just as you are and were, but using your differences to help others. " He watched the speech silently for a while before looking away. Just as he turned, another opening was made. This one showing him in a lab of some sort. He looked aged, probably within his sixties from what he could tell." On your way to curing dementia here. The loss of your mother pushing you to help others once again." " How is this supposed to help?" " What do you mean?" " Seeing what I could've done versus what I have done. It makes me feel worse. " " Well, none of these timelines are the same. You can't expect to be able to do everything. The point is that you can always change the future. There are many timelines involving you as you are now. " He thought about what they said , walking around the images." They all end in second death though, don't they?" " Yes, but many start with a third life. If I explained everything, there would be no point in faith." He wanted to argue but everything vanished when the door opened. Isaiah stood there, staring at him with an unreadable expression. " I'm sorry." That was all Chris could think to say, assuming Isaiah had known everything that transpired today. They nodded, waving for him to exit the room. Once followed he grabbed Chris by the back of the neck and pushed his head down. " I told you to stop leaving your dirty laundry laying around. " " I said I was sorry! It's my only jacket, stop!" Isaiah relented and let him go, turning to lead him back down the hallway. Chris followed, going over the last few minutes of the conversation with himself. " Isaiah..is there a such thing as a third life?"
Without looking back, Isaiah smiled. ' It's never too late for the younglings.' he thought to himself contently before delivering a half truth." Not for things like you." Meaning genuine demons similar to him, but he didn't think Chris needed to know that. He was still considered human by the eyes of their father and didn't want to impede his growth by making him think it'd be so simple. Chris was disappointed but assumed it was for the best that way. Feeling undeserving of it but a stubborn doubt still prodded at him." Oh... that's... kind of what I figured. One more question. When you finally kill me, is it going to hurt?" Isaiah stopped at the door, holding it open for him. A subtle hint to leave. " A little bit, maybe. Not intentionally though." He looked out the door then back to Isaiah, shifting uncomfortably. " So yeah. Maybe another question?" Glancing between Isaiah and the floor now. " Hm?" " I kinda want to like... can I just sleep here or something? I'm scared. I don't want to hurt anyone."
He shook his head, placing a hand on their shoulder." That's not a question. That's a request. " " Please?" Isaiah smiled down at him, closing the door. " Of course you can. Not for too long though. You'll get lost. " Chris nodded, grabbing his jacket and moving towards his usual room that he'd use while staying over. " Goodnight. "
