I wrote you a letter

Love

Do I still think of him? I think of him every second of the day. Every chance I get, I think of a scenario on how it couldve gone. I think to myself, was i ever enough? Did I not give him enough? Maybe I was giving too much? I sit in my own train of thought, thinking about how I could've been different and maybe hed still love me like he did in the beginning.

I think of him. I think of his face, his smile, his laugh, his eyes, and most importantly, his ability to love. It wasn't the goodbye that hurt me, it was the flashbacks and the memories we created with each other that did. I think of the all times we had together at the park. The walks we went on together and the deep conversations we'd have together. Just bonding and falling even more inlove with each other was everything to me. We would sit and talk on the phone together, discussing about our future. How many kids would we have? What would we name them? What type of house would we get? Will we adopt a dog? A cat? A hampster? I still Dream of those times today. You were my everything and I was your everything. You showed me the light and the pathway to love, I didn't know wtf I did to deserve everything you were giving me but I loved every bit of it. You were the first boy to ever make me feel geniunely happy. Including all of the first time experiences we had together.

You took my first kiss and I took yours, you were the first boy I talked to my mom about, you were the first to ever make me feel loved the way I did when I was with you. And I'll never forget what we went through together. You would always tell me how beautiful I was and how much of an impact I made in your life. All of the playlists you made for me and all of the songs you dedicated to me will stay in my heart forever. You even showed me comfort and supported me through all of my decisions, INCLUDING helping me with all of my problems. We would call each other "my love" and would type in French to show how romantic we could be. And the little notes in French on our about me's about eachother. We could not go a day without saying "I love you" and would even have little arguments about who loved eachother more. We even wrote eachother little notes at school wishing a good day to one another. You got me so many things, I loved them all but I especially loved the turtle ring and the turtle necklace you gave me. I still wear them to this day.  You made me feel like the only girl in the world and that it was just us, in a world of 8 billion people.

Who knew that all of this love you were giving me would end in a matter of 2 years. All of the promises you made me, that you'd love me and stay with me forever were gone and broken. The cute nicknames you called me soon turned into just my name. "Mon amour" turned into "siv". Your compliments went from calling me "beautiful" to calling me "pretty" and then.. to completely nothing. The playlists and songs you'd dedicate to me stopped. I felt that I was blinded by love but I wasn't, I just chose to ignore everything and focused on loving you and showing you all of the love that you deserved. I figured that maybe, you were just getting very comfortable with me. Almost everything I did was for your sake. You were my one motivation to go to school and to stay focused on my work. I'd get up to wear the best outfits and put on a bit of makeup to impress you. And maybe you'd call me beautiful again. Even though you stopped complimenting me, atleast we still hugged and kissed everyday. That was what was keeping me going everyday. I admired you and your passions. But I was always inspired by your writing. It was incredible and you had a talent, you found something that you were passionate about and I couldn't be happier for you.