the flowers in my lungs // yeonbin

the flowers in his lungs.

for as long as yeonjun could remember people had always sucked up to him for his good looks. you would think that'd be a good thing except people who were only interested in him for his looks, had a consistent issue. they were all fake. they'd talk to him and treat him nicely, but as soon as he turned his back to them they'd talk about him like he was the problem, like he's done something for them to hate him. yeonjun hated them all and avoided making friends or talking to anyone for most of his school life. 

until soobin came into his life. he thought soobin would be like the others, talking behind his back, spreading rumors, and saying mean things about him. until one day in the restroom soobin had gotten into an arguement with one of the other kids, "take that back! he's not like that and you know it. why are you making things up about him?" yeonjun had no idea what the commotion was about but he recognized the voice so he walked over. he saw soobin arguing with jihoon, "why are you spreading rumors about yeonjun? i was there when that happened and that's not how it went at all. all yeonjun did was accidentally bump into her and he apologized right away and made sure she was okay. why are you trying to make it sound like he's a snobby mean kid when he's not? i don't get you jihoon, you'd never say these things to his face so why say it to others?" yeonjun was left speechless, no one had ever defended him before, everyone was always feeding into the rumors or spreading more rumors. this was a first for him and it left an impression on him that to this day no one had been able to top. 

from that day forward yeonjun and soobin were inseparable, soobin introduced him to his other friends and the five of them became the group of friends that always had something to do together after school. 

and at some point through the years, yeonjun realized he felt more for soobin than friendship. he might've had a crush on him, he wasn't too sure. he knew he loved his eyes that looked like they could hold the whole universe, and his teeth that poked out ever so often that reminded him of a bunny, and don't get him started on his lips his beautiful lips with the most perfect shape, yeonjun could make a whole list of things he loved about soobin. but was that considered a crush? he didn't know how to differentiate it until he realized he doesn't make lists like these about any of his other friends, just soobin. 

when yeonjun finally came to this realization, he felt it was too late cause he swore beomgyu and soobin were a thing. the two had been sneaking off on their own claiming to be studying but yeonjun wasn't buying it. and to further his suspicions, soobin had started avoiding him. why was he avoiding him? he'd like to know the answer to that too. and the answer came a couple weeks later, when he was in class and soobin suddenly coughed out a flower. yeonjun wasn't stupid he knew what this was, hanahaki. 

and in that moment he felt the whole world slow as he watched the person he loved most, fall to the ground with blood on his lips. yeonjun froze. he didn't know what to think, what to do, nothing. the only one who moved was beomgyu after a second of shock. and soon others followed. but yeonjun stayed still staring at the beautiful boy he liked so much get carried out of the room, he seemed almost lifeless in yeonjun's eyes. 

after what seemed like hours, yeonjun finally reacted and ran out of the room demanding to know where soobin was taken. he looked at beomgyu, and began speaking , "you knew right? your reaction time was so fast almost like you'd seen it happen before, and you knew just what to do too. be honest beomgyu please don't lie to me" yeonjun pleaded with beomgyu, "yes i knew. he asked me not to say anything i didn't know what to do." yeonjun remained silent he couldn't believe this was happening. that something so morbid could be happening to his soobin, his lovely soobin who had never done anything wrong. what had he done to deserve this? and most importantly who was it that he was so in love with he'd be willing to die? 

yeonjun never missed a day visiting soobin, everyday without fail he found himself in the hospital whether they talked or not didn't matter to yeonjun, he just needed to be near him, to feel him in his presence. he was afraid they didn't have much time left so he wanted to make sure he spent as much time with soobin as possible. yeonjun had given up on pleading with soobin to get the surgery or at least let him know who he loved so much so he can talk some sense into the guy. but soobin never budged. and neither did beomgyu at the request of soobin, and yeonjun wasn't upset with him he understood where beomgyu was coming from. 

one of the days when yeonjun was visiting, soobin fell asleep he seemed so peaceful. and for the first time since yeonjun realized his feelings for him, he voiced them to soobin knowing the younger one wouldn't hear. "soobin, i know you've made up your mind but i wish you'd chosen yourself. if i was in your spot, actually i can't even say that. i'm not sure i'd be able to live without knowing what it is to love you. i love you so much the thought of you being gone scares me to my core. i love you despite you loving someone else, and i love you so much i'd take your spot right now if i could. i want you to live soobin, i want you to live and experience everything that life has to offer. love me, love me and i'll show you what it means to be loved, love me and i'll never do anything to hurt you, love me soobin." yeonjun sobbed for hours until soobin woke up, he had to put on a smile, soobin already had too much to worry about. 

on his way home that day yeonjun had a lot to think about, all of his thoughts revolving a specific boy and how much he loved him.