TF2 oneshots because why not

BLU Spy x RED Sniper

Sniper's day was going normally. Boring? Always. He set down his mug of coffee with a bang and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. He picked up his rifle again and headshot a few BLUs, swearing at a particularly annoying Scout until his arms felt numb and his back ached, and he had to take a break. The RED Sniper put his rifle on the windowsill and checked the entrances and exits to his hideout - as he liked to call it. They were all blocked off with crates and hadn't moved an inch since he last put them there. Nothin' was getting past him.

He slid off his jacket and tucked it over a box next to him, leaning against it in exhaustion. Boy, this was getting more tiring every day. He yawned loudly and tipped his hat over his eyes. He was about to fall asleep when- wait. Was that a flash of blue over there? Nah, he must be too tired. This job really was doing a number on him. Nothin' could get past... Then he fell asleep.

The Sniper woke up and realised his hat was gone.

"What the bloody 'ell..."

He looked around the floor and upturned crates but still no sign of his beloved hat. He turned back around to get his rifle and he was met face to face with the BLU Spy.

"AGH! How'd you get in here?!"

He studied the enemy for a bit before noticing that the Spy was wearing his hat. He was about to reach for his kukri when he saw that it was behind the Spy.

"Damn it."

"What? I outsmarted you?"

The Sniper picked up his rifle.

"Zhat zhing's not meant for close combat, you know."

"Yep."

"So what are you going to do - run five miles away and shoot me?"

"Not this time."

The Spy was about to say something but before he could, Sniper whacked him on the head with his rifle and knocked him out. He wasn't gonna kill him just yet, but he sure as hell was gonna have some fun.

When the BLU Spy woke up he found himself tied to a chair, unable to move. He also found the RED Sniper leaning over him. He immediately squeezed his eyes shut. If the Sniper knew he was awake... He decided to keep pretending to sleep and see what the Sniper would do. He just barely squinted to watch the seemingly oblivious Sniper, who appeared to be observing every detail on the Spy. Spy didn't like this. He wore a mask for a reason: he didn't want anyone seeing his face. The way Sniper was looking at him though, it seemed he could see through the mask. But that was impossible. He watched the Sniper turn around and sit on a crate, facing the wall. The Spy looked around and saw all of his weapons on the floor on the other side of the room. The Sniper using his tricks against him? Pathetic... but it still worked. Spy sighed loudly and immediately covered his mouth. Merde. If the Sniper didn't know he was awake, he would now. The taller man turned to face the Spy.

"So... you're awake, huh?"

The Spy closed his eyes and pretended to still be unconcious. Apparently it didn't work.

"C'mon, I know you're awake. You're just makin' yourself look stupid now."

The Spy opened his eyes and silently glared at the Sniper.

"Ooh, ya think you're so intimidating, don'tcha. Well guess what, I ain't fallin' for it."

The Spy said nothing.

"Hm. You're being silent today."

The Sniper leaned closer so there was only an inch between their noses. The Spy couldn't help but gaze into the other man's ocean blue eyes, slightly tinted orange by his sunglasses. He also smelled strongly of coffee. The Spy's eyes trailed down to the Sniper's mouth, his lips looked rough and-

"Are ya done admiring my face?"

The Spy blushed. Wait, he couldn't blush in front of his enemy! His face was mostly covered anyway. He suddenly felt even more glad he was wearing a mask.

The Sniper however, caught on, much to the Spy's embarrassment.

"What's this, a classy Spy blushing over little ol' me?"

"Why must you be like zis..."

"Awww does the Spy have... a crush???"

"Shut up!"

Spy knew his face was burning hot and decided to ignore it, turning his head away from the teasing Sniper.

"Don't get so angry mate, I was only kiddin'. It would be against the rules anyway! Not like I would care - a Spy like you is too good to turn down!"

"I- wait what did you say?"

"What, ya gone deaf?"

"No, I meant-"

The Sniper realised what he'd said. Now he was the one blushing.

"Well this is just perfect," he said