Of Monsters, Of Men

Chapter 25

February 8, 1942 (continued)

They remained like that, Tom leaning on Harry and Harry's hand in his hair, for an indeterminable amount of time. Harry breathed in, feeling Tom slump further against him.

I could remain like this forever, Harry thought, gently running his hand through Tom's hair, detangling his waves. Tom leaned his head back slightly, his eyes closed, the skin around his eyes smooth and lacking the tenseness that was always present in the day.

Harry leaned his head against the top of Tom's head, breathing slowly as he cradled him with his other arm.

This must be what heaven feels like.

Eventually, though, they had to return to their dorm.

"Walk back with me," Harry said softly, breaching the comfortable silence.

Tom's eyes flitted to meet his, and he nodded slightly, more subdued than Harry could ever remember seeing him. Harry reluctantly removed his hand from Tom's hair, and Tom stood up slowly.

They walked to the door, and Harry grabbed the invisibility cloak, fitting it over himself first. Tom followed, and they cast a plethora of silencing charms. Confident that they were ready to go, Harry asked, "Shall we?"

Tom nodded slightly, sluggishly. As they walked back to their dorm in silence, their conversation reverberated in Harry's head.

"What do you truly want?"

"I want..."

Harry's brows furrowed, his feet walking him through the winding hallways without a single thought.

"Have you ever felt successful?"

Tom considered his words quietly. Then he looked up and inhaled deeply, saying softly, "I have not."

Blinking once, Harry's returned to reality. A bare stretch of the cobbled stone wall greeted them. Harry muttered the password to the dungeons and a familiar passage revealed itself. Briefly flicking his eyes to meet Tom's, he found Tom staring ahead with a contemplative expression. As Harry nudged him, Tom's eyes snapped to meet his gaze.

Harry could tell he was projecting his worry onto his face, but he couldn't help himself. It was almost frightening, how empty Tom seemed at the moment, but Harry could barely feel his fear over his concern. He looked away, and they made their way through the common room to their dorm.

Seeing that Tom was out of commission for now, Harry undid all the locking charms and protective wards when they arrived. Tom entered first and Harry followed, shutting the door behind him and quietly redoing the charms and wards.

Harry hadn't thought that Tom could be this introspective. He was glad to be proven wrong.

Though that didn't mean he was any less worried for him.

Tom waved his wand to remove his robes from his body and flatten them. He waved his wand again, and the closet door opened, a lone clothes hanger floating through the air until it reached his robes, which affixed itself to the hanger, and the hanger floated back to the closet.

Somehow, even that seemed subdued, sluggish. As though moving was a weighted, difficult thing.

Harry glanced at him, a worried frown tugging at his lips, before he removed his robes in the muggle fashion, something he had never grown out of. While Tom had wholeheartedly embraced the magical lifestyle down to the smallest habits and mannerisms, there were always littlest things that Harry could never shake off like Tom did. He folded his robes and placed them neatly into his drawer.