Desiderium

Chapter 3

After the meeting with Abby I had decided to go back to the hotel. I was beyond thrilled with how it went, its just scary that things are moving this fast. It was to much for my sober mind to intake and with that I need at least a hit of something. My nerves were so shocked and I forgot I don't do well in social settings without taking the edge off. 

When I got back to my apartment I forgot I had put Adderall into a pill container so I laid a pill down on the counter and snorted it like one would do. After a couple seconds my thoughts went away and I felt more productive then I had a minute ago. With that i went on Instagram making my profile public, and texting back Shay and CJ. I just wanted them to know that I'm okay and they will hear more at the end of this week. Am I a bad friend for letting them find out the same time that everyone else is? maybe but they don't even know I'm the girl behind that song, not now at least. 

I don't know what I'm going to do about CJ, I mean I love him but with how busy he is and how busy I'm about to be I just don't see it working. I don't plan on going back to North Carolina unless it was to see my parents, but other then that I'm good without ever seeing that state. After me being in my thoughts for way to long I decided to take walk and just be able to walk freely. I ended up doing a little bit of shopping and thrifting. I found some new clothes that fit more of the indie Rockstar aesthetic I'm going for. 

I knew that with taking Adderall I wouldn't be able to sleep, but without it I would still have that same outcome. I can just take one tomorrow, I will definitely need it after what Abby has on her little agenda. I knew that this would happen when I signed with whatever label I signed with but I didn't know that it would all be this fast. I don't even care about money at this point its just how this song will be perceived. mainly because its of my relationship that everyone thinks is going so well. To everyone on the outside CJ and I's relationship is like  Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds relationship where its more like Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson minus all the babies. I never feel wanted and most times I feel lonely and this is what this song is about. Hopefully it hits CJ's head that this song is a about how I perceive our relationship.

The morning came faster then expected and here I am getting ready to record my first song at one of the best recording studios known to man. Was I anxious about the whole thing, yes. Was I ready for what's next, Definitely not. But here I am standing Infront of the producer and Abby explaining how everything works. After the dreadful instructions that I was given I got i not the booth while everything was being set up. While getting ready to get the green light to start, I decided to go onto Instagram and scroll through my feed. 

"Okay Zaiden were ready, Your going to great. now scream those pretty lungs out", Abby said with a thumbs up

And with that Abby's wish is my command. I sang the song probably around ten times after being told to redo or carry on by the producer. I exited the booth after Abby had shot me two thumbs up.

"Zaiden listen to what we have so far. i think your going to love it", Abby said shaking my shoulders

The producer hit play onto the demo and there my voice was. It sounded so clear and you could make out the emotions I was feeling throughout the whole thing. It was crazy to hear yourself for the first time in clear audio, especially when your singing. As the song was ending i couldn't help but be proud of the first step of this demo.

"Wowww", I said literally speechless

"I know, Remember we still have to add the band behind it but this song Zaiden, Its going to be a hit", Abby said smiling like a proud mom

"Also I forgot to tell you, we will have a final product by the end of the day which means you also get to meet the band." Abby said

"Oh Okay you know I could have done all the background instruments, I know practically every instrument that is in the song", I said to Abby

"You can give it a try in the booth, but during performances I want you to stick to maybe a guitar", Abby said looking at the booth one more time

I walked back in the booth sitting down at the drums once again waiting for the green light to start playing. i had headphones in with the original demo so I can know when to start playing. When the green light came on I zoned out and just focused on the music going through my ears. Music truly was a type of therapy, and in this moment is when I realized THIS is what I want my life to be.

After all the instruments were recorded which included drums, guitar and bass I finally got to see the final product. I didn't even look at the time the whole time until I had gotten out of the booth. It was already six and I felt like it went by so fast. I didn't even realize that the recording room was full of people that weren't there before. I couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed by the amount of people where probably watching me the whole time.

"Zay that was amazing, There are some people that came in. This is your band. Your bassist is Diane, Your guitarist is Zayne, and your drummer is Nikki. Everyone meet Zaiden." Abby said pointing to everyone as saying there names. 

"hello, I'm Zaiden. Its nice to meet you guys", I said shaking everyone's hands

"And the other people are going to be everyone on your team, Zoe is going to be your publicist, Brock is your security, and Jordan is your lawyer. Anything you need you can also talk to them. Tomorrow Abby will be with you for the interviews, she was also taking photos for us to post on social media" Abby said explaining the other people in the room. Before she was explaining who was in the band and who was on my team, I could already tell. Everyone had certain looks that scream corporate or deviant's.

"Nice to meet everyone, do we have a hit song", I asked looking around the room for answers

"lets play it and you will find out", Abby said winking

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngDzKqMv5yM

Together-Beabadoobee

Crash the car again

the same mistakes again

Don't wanna hurt you like I did

Cause I'm not waiting for you

But I don't wanna hurt you

All alone again

It hurts my heart again

I think my blood is running thin

I'm away again

It hurts my head again

Don't wanna be away from your skin

Cause I'm not waiting for you

But I don't wanna to hurt you

Guess that's how my life will go

at least were together though

together though

together though, together though

hurt myself  again

I thought you'd notice it 

Don't wanna fix it like you did

Cause I don't want to let you know

I've been thinking of letting you go

Guess that's how to whole story ends

"What do you think", Abby says with her hands around her mouth with that big smile peering through

"Guys I hate to say it but I think we have a hit", I said high fiving the band