Go Away | ChangLix

23

Just as the blade touched his skin, Felix stopped. He trembled, not in fear but in frustration. Why couldn't he just go with it? His life was meaningless, he didn't want to live anymore, he had accepted death. But it wasn't fair for the child growing in his womb. He convinced himself that the child would live in suffering just like him. But his naivety, kindness as everyone says, was saying that the child should have a chance to experience life and choose for themselves. The child has done no wrong, just because Felix wanted to die, the child shouldn't be dragged by his own selfishness.

Felix threw the knife away as he screamed. He fell to his knees and hugged his abdomen, embracing the life growing inside him. Felix cried. He cried with his feelings all tangled up with each other. He was confused, he didn't know what was right or wrong or what he should do anymore. Why did it have to be him... Why did he just had to fall for Changbin when he knew Changbin is dangerous. A poison for anyone who harbor affection for him, a renowned heartbreaker who loves seeing them suffer. Why would he ever think that he was any different from any of his previous victims. He wasn't special, but Changbin convinced him and in the end, he was shattered.

Once Felix calmed down, he searched for his phone. He dialed his mom, she would know what to do, right? At least she can support him, right?

The line connected and she picked up, "Mom, I'm sorry..." Felix sobbed. He told everything to his mother. He told her how dumb he was, how conceited he was, how he regretted everything, and how he was lost at the moment. He may bear a little resentment to his parents for not picking a specified sex for him when he was a baby but they made him feel normal and loved.

The day passed and the next morning came. Felix was awoken by the constant knock on his door. When he opened it, he was quickly engulfed in an embrace. An embrace he knew too well, his mother. "It's okay, baby. We'll go to your school together kay?" his mother whispered. How could his parents still love him even though his body is abnormal? How could they still love him when his body has been dirtied? How could they still love him when he's made an unforgivable mistake? How could they still love an impulsive stupid child like himself?

When Changbin arrived, he was looking forward to see Felix again. He walked down the hall to his locker, only to see a staff clearing his belongings. Was Felix moving away? No way, right... Felix wouldn't leave him. Maybe the boy was just moving lockers, yeah, that must be it. 

When he was still in a daze, someone turned him around and punched his face as hard as they could. "Thanks for making my friend transfer away, you piece of shit!" It was Jisung, tears streaming down his face as he glared at Changbin who was baffled at the ground. Jisung's words hit him like a truck, Felix was really moving away. No, Felix wasn't allowed to leave him, not when Changbin still hasn't sorted his feelings. Felix was his.

Changbin quickly ran to the principal's office. As if right on time, the door opened and three people stepped out, one he recognised as Felix. the color of his face was drained when he saw Felix carrying a box full of his belongings. As they walked past him, Changbin was stuck, words wouldn't come out and his body wouldn't move. For the first time, Felix ignored his existence and it felt like his heart has been stabbed over and over. 

When Changbin regained movements, he noticed something on the floor. A pregnancy test, and it showed positive. Was Felix transferring because he was pregnant? Was Felix pregnant with his child? The thought sent Changbin into glee, well, almost all of him. A small part of him was dreadful of what his father would say. He thought he was careful enough but he couldn't deny that everytime he held Felix, he wished for something to bind Felix to him. 

What if Felix was impregnated by someone else? What if he had slept with someone else without his knowing? Those two thoughts alone sent him into a rage. Felix was his. He'll never allow anyone else to have Felix. He found him first, he claimed him first, Felix was only his.

He shoved the test into his pocket and ran to the parking lot, but he was a tad bit late. As he arrived, Felix's car had drove away. Changbin quickly jumped into his own car and sped off. He lost Felix's car due to the red lights but he quickly arrived at Felix's apartment building and ran up to his room. He kept banging on the door when Felix just wouldn't open the door. His banging was annoying the neighbors and one of them came out.

"What the fuck?! Can't you just shut up?" She snapped. "Felix- The boy living here, where is he?" Changbin asked. The woman could see the panic in his eyes and sighed, "Just a few hours ago, they cleared the unit, if you're his lover, you should know it" The woman explained and went back in. 

As if a walking shell, Changbin went into his car. Despair was evident on his face. Felix had moved out. Since when has he planned this? 

Changbin started chuckling then turned into a manic laugh with tears welling up in his eyes. Felix was gone. He lost Felix. He truly loved Felix and yet he managed to make a mistake bigger than his father had, which is hurting the one he loved.