I remembered the first day I saw you. You just transferred to our school and came into the classroom. I can't exactly remember how but since the first time we spoke I knew we instantly clicked. No force chemistry, no awkward small talk. Just us speaking as if we knew each other our whole lives. Soon after I developed the biggest crush on you. Well how can I not, you're sweet, kind and you made me laugh all the time without even trying too. I was sad when I had to move away in the middle of the year because then I won't be able to talk to you everyday like we use too.
I was so happy when we met up that one time when we were in college. It was so obvious that my feelings for you never really faded but at the time I didn't know what those feelings were. All I knew was that I was happy to see you and spend some time with you.
After that, the next time I saw you, was when you visited me at my first retail job. And of course I was ranting about something that looking back was so stupid but you just patiently listened and allowed me to let out all that built up tension. During that time I was starting to understand my feelings. Although I was too afraid to do anything about it. Not wanting to lose my best friend, someone so important to me I couldn't bear the idea of you not being in my life anymore.
The night I casually said 'I liked you back in high school' was so nerve wrecking but when you said the same I was so ecstatic but also relieved. Can't tell you I happy I was when we got together then. But as time went on, I was in a bad place in my life and it didn't seem fair to you for me to string you along like that. So I decided to break it off. I cried for weeks because not only did I hate myself for that decision. I also felt like I lost my best friend too and I understood that i hurt you by breaking it off so we needed time apart. That time apart was absolute torture because everyday I wished that I could talk to you and show you the things that reminded me of you but I couldn't.
Until you texted me and wished me a happy birthday. It wasn't much but it coming from you meant the world to me. And we started talking again as if we never stopped. I wanted to tell you than how much I regretted breaking up with you and that I still very much love you but you were with someone else. So I told myself that I will be happy for you and support you. Even when it broke my heart to pieces when you mentioned her. And I tried to forget about my feelings for you by moving on with someone else but I couldn't. Cause they were not you and they never will be. They can never measure up to you ever. You'll always have a big place in my heart.
Fast forward to 2023, we were talking and joking around . And we talked about our future kids and how they'll get into so much trouble because well look at us hahaha. It was then, when I imagined my future with someone, all I saw was you beside me. As you've always been in my life. So I started giving you hints, trying to see if you still felt the same. But of course you didn't get them and were clueless. After trying a few more times I almost gave up, thinking that maybe you didn't still feel the same.
Although I did tell myself that, if I didn't at least try, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. And so I confessed to you again. Words could not described how I felt when you said you felt the same and that you hoped that one day we'd me together again. I never believed in soulmates but you're mine.
As I'm typing this now, I've come to realised that no matter where we were in our lives and what we've been through. We've always managed to find our way back to each other. And I am forever grateful to have you in my life.
I can't wait for the day when we're able to call each other husband and wife. To start a family together. To begin the rest of our lives together.
I love you
Yours forever ❤️
-12.07.2023, 2.15am-
