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dear bokkari

idk what to do

i'm confused about everything

so i went to my week trip to see my family and everyone and this is kinda how it went while including the whole situation with hyunjin

and yes, i've been cheating on hyunjin with Minho

emotionally

i didn't kiss him anymore

-Monday-

i said hi to my granny, aunts, uncles and cousins. the. we all went out to a cemetery and went to our grandpas grave. he died 3 days before christmas. so that's why we did that.

we had a big dinner and nothing much has happened

-Tuesday-

nothing really happened but i called minho

Me: hey Min
Minho: hey Lix. you ok?
Me: ye, family celebration and a lot of food
Minho: cool. did you speak with Hyunjin?
Me: no, i don't think i can
Minho: you know he won't be so happy
Me: i just can't. he spoke so badly of me and i kissed you.
Minho: look you'll have to do that one day
Me: i know but he's scary
Minho: *sigh* ok but if you don't, i will

with that we hang up and nothing else too exciting happened during the day

-Wednesday-

i went to the food court with my besties and we spoke for hours until the conversation about hyunjin became to light

Milli: I never saw hyunjin as a bitch honestly
Lia: language but you're right
Me: and stuff happened and i don't know what to do anymore
Lia: what happened
Me: i cheated
Milli: NO
Me: yes
Lia: how did that even happen
Me: after what Hyunjin said, i was too distraught to do anything other than cheat. now i'm thinking if i even like him. maybe i like the idea of him. we did started to date almost not even a month since we met and i don't know him as much as i might think i do
Milli: honey, be for real with us. Do you know something?
Me: well...
Lia: say it
Me: chan-hyung has been giving me warnings and even sent me an old article about Hyunjin.
Milli: and?!
Me: i still didn't read it
Lia: and why is that
Me: cuz i trust him
Milli: Felix, get out of this relationship. it's not worth the heartbreak you'll go through when you find about something or when he finds out
Me: but hyunjin is perfect and i can't just do that to him
Lia: you're doing something worst

we all agreed without saying anything that it was time to change the subject. we've done some shopping

after that we had a sleepover and everything went fine.

while my friends were sleeping, i finally checked the article. i didn't like how it looked.

Good Boy Gone Bad?!
Hwang Sam Hyunjin, our #1 student for 2 years has finally lost it. After having a restraining order against him by his own boyfriend, now ex, he loses everything he had. he's now 234th student and has become resident bad boy. he's been graffitiing the walls, bullying kids and finally got expelled for a month. The final straw was when he was arrested. His headshot became extremely famous.

ok

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ok

he's hot

but damn

what did he do

anygay, that was the end of that day and then came to next

-Tuesday-

just past time with family

nothing special

-friday-

i finally texted hyunjin and he seemed... weird




Hyunjie❣️

hey baby~
how you doing ?

fine

so are you coming over or nah

maybe

can i ask you a question?

sure

why were you mad that night at the party

i wasn't
just frustrated about family matters
so don't worry baby
it's not your fault

oki

how was your week

well, i went to my grandpas grave with some family
next day, i played and spoke all day with Minho after, i went to the mall with milli and lia

wait
you spoke to Minho?

ye

why?

bcuz i miss talking to him...?

what did you talk about?

stuff

what stuff

private stuff

tell me

no

felix
tell me

i don't wana

missed call
missed call

felix answer

i want to tell you in person
please

ok
promise?

promise

i love you

love you too




-Today-

i finally checked up with all my besties and everything went well.

once everyone fell asleep, cuz we were doing a sleepover at my place.

i couldn't really sleep knowing that i had to speak to hyunjin. so i look at the ceiling and hear someone turning around.

Jake: hey lix
Me: hey jake
Jake: so
Me: so
Jake: i can tell you are stressed
Me: ye
Jake: wanna talk about it
Me: well, Hyunjin spoke badly behind my back, i then cheated on him with his best friend and then i found out that Hyunjin has committed crimes and has a restraining order against him and...i don't know what to do now
Jake: wow
Me: it's fine if you can't say anything. it's honestly understandable
Jake: will you tell him the truth?
Me: ye... well i think
Jake: just in case he explodes, do you have a place to go?
Me: ye. Chan-hyung said that just in case anything happens
Jake: will he be there tomorrow
Me: ye. i invited everyone
Jake: i'll be there to protect
Me: thanks

jake fell asleep after that

i didn't which is why i'm writing this

i'm scared

bye my lovely bokkari

906 words

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