𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦

Part II: Blue-Window Boy

I wake up on a dark and blustery morning, with bleary eyes and an aching neck reminding me of the fact that I am in a crusty apartment basement in Rosario, Argentina. Strangely, it also reminds me of the beautiful boy I met last night, Leo. Leo Messi. The boy I have to keep reminding myself that I will not fall in love with, and that's going to be hard when he's in the same building as me right now.

My eyes brighten as I spot his ratty sneakers stumbling against the cold stone floor of the basement, and I can't help but blurt

"Hi!" I want to take it back immediately. How eager can a guy sound? He probably thinks I'm some big-ass creep who developed a crush on him the second I saw him. Weirdly, he doesn't.

"Hi, Ney." He smiles back, a gentle and cautious smile, almost as though he's being careful about his actions. But I suppose that's just how he is: quiet and shy and closed. Restrained, in a way. I can tell he's going to school, from the backpack slung over his shoulder. His hair is rumpled like he just woke up and his jeans are faded and loosely hanging over his slightly shorter legs, while his shirt is worn and thin and baggy, and I know there's absolutely no way he'll be able to walk to school without catching pneumonia from the cold. Suddenly my head pings and I realise that I've got an old fleece jacket and he can borrow it. It's a little worn and probably a little big for him, but it would keep him warm.

"Here. Take this, you'll feel cold outside," I unwrap the jacket from around my body and hold it out to him. His hands are shaking, probably from the cold, but also like he's hesitant to receive the fleece. "Take it." I insisted, getting up and wrapping it around him. I almost gasp at the cool touch of his strong body, and I try to keep my hands to myself as I fit the fleece around. I feel his heartbeat as my hand flits over his chest, it's fast yet follows a steady beat.

"Thank you." He mumbled, and he turns away from me to walk out the door. I smile to myself as I watch the slightly-oversized jacket hang onto his receding figure, and he suddenly looks back at me, the first real wide grin I've ever seen spreading across his face. He slowly draws closer to me and before I can tell what's happening his strong white arms are thrown around my neck in a... in a hug.

"Thank you. I've never received a hug before." I murmur into the grey fleece on his shoulder, and he doesn't move for a while. We just stay like that, arms around each other for a while before he has to go to school. "Bye, Leo." I laugh, and he actually laughs back before he escapes my sight and I'm wondering if

this

is

all

a

dream.

Leo hugged me and I hugged him. And if I'm not wrong, we both liked it. Waited two more seconds and I would have kissed him. Thank God I didn't. What if he was putting me under the same spell I had fallen for so many times, that had resulted in the death of so many boys and girls.

I am a foolish boy.

Why am I always falling in love? Maybe this isn't love... this feels different to all my other crushes. Or maybe the others weren't love... no, that can't be it. We're not even friends, and now I'm making conspiracy theories that I might possibly be in love with him. But the thing is, I probably am, I've just got to keep my mouth shut and not kiss him ever.

I'm always placed splat in the middle of positions like this: I can't ignore my feelings for a guy, but I can't kiss him either. I won't be able to keep him for myself either way. Anyway, why am I thinking about this? I just met him! Chill the fuck out, Neymar!

Suddenly my stomach growls and I realise that I haven't eaten anything in about 48 hours. There's nothing to eat, however, and I laugh at the frighteningly realistic possibility that I could starve to death now. In Bolivia and Chile I lived off bin food. Literally, I would go scavenging for recently-thrown food waste so I could have something to keep me alive before the rats and flies devoured all of it.