The African trinkets

Secret smile

"Secret Smile" by Semisonic

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile

And you use it only for me

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile

And you use it only for me

So use it and prove it

Remove this whirling sadness

I'm losing, I'm bluesing

But you can save me from madness

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile

And you use it only for me

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile

And you use it only for me

So save me I'm waiting

I'm needing, hear me pleading

And soothe me, improve me

I'm grieving, I'm barely believing now, now

When you are flying around and around the world

And I'm lying alonely

I know there's something sacred and free reserved

And received by me only

*I was inspired by the film Tree Of Life with Shaun Penn, Brad Pitt and Jessica Chastain. The meaning and plot of the movie completely escaped me but the breathtaking, disjointed cinematography intrigued me and I found that for the length of the film I felt a sense of angst that had a lasting effect on me which I find both beautiful and haunting. I hope you enjoy my interpretation*

Nolia awoke in a sweat; gasping ever so subtly- frightful of rousing the others from their sleep. She felt sick again even though she hadn’t eaten a morsel of food the entire day. Nolia could hear the creeping of morning and wanted nothing more than for the chill of the morning to seep through her hot skin and calm the fire in her chest. She knew that yesterday had been a disaster from beginning to end- the fire in her chest leapt at the mere thought Lance. Nolia had watched him ever since he came back from boarding school and the more she hear him speak and watch him move; she found that the boy that wore his heart on his sleeve was gone and in his place was a man of a malicious nature- a replica of his father.

Nolia swung her legs over her thin mattress cot and held her aching head in her hands. She so badly wanted to cry about what was happening and what was going to happen but Nolia’s eyes refused to succumb and the result was a headache. Outside the cabin the wind whipped about and while the other women hugged their worn blankets, she craved the cold sensation more.  Nolia rose to her feet and the world around her whirled and threatened to make her vomit but someone caught her before she fell, “Thank you.” Nolia whispered and in the darkness of early morning couldn’t make out more than a tall silhouette. With her eyes half open and her conscience only partly conscious, Nolia fumbled outside and was greeted by faint drizzle on her fizzling skin.

The silhouette figure followed her but Nolia didn’t mind; she was focused on one thing- extinguishing the fire in her chest. She was never very good at being angry, always kept everything inside, and she’s often wished she could scream to realize all the censored air that would’ve been her voiced opinions. Nolia paused for a moment to think of the perfect place for this liberation of vocal frustration and out of habit her head fell into her hands again.

Feet engulfing mud sloshed between toes.

Drizzle growing rain sailed between skin and cloth.

Skin drinking- drowning in- rain.