Beastly Love

Chapter 1: The End

My alarm didn't go off. No time for breakfast or even a drip coffee. I didn't have time to brush my hair and I ripped a seam pulling up my pantyhose. I haven't washed my blouse. My makeup feels half-done, so I can't even rub my eyes even though they're heavy and irritated. I wonder if today I'll be done early and I can go home and take a nap, but we're nearing a deadline so I know that won't happen.

I'm so late, bossman is going to kill me. Got to hurry it up!

I speed over to the transit van, but the guy in front holds his arm out in front of the door after the woman in front of me.

"No, please, I need to get on this van, I need to get to the office or I'm out of a job," I plead. I may be exaggerating just a tad, but I need him to believe me. The old man isn't budging though.

"Wait fifteen minutes."

"No, I need to be at work in fifteen minutes, I can't wait that long."

I lean into the doorway.

"Hey, is there anyone who can switch with me? I'll pay you!" I say, but the driver closes the door and I stumble back.

"Fifteen minutes," the old man spits. The van starts up and pulls out into traffic before I can plead my case.

I'm fucked.

Perhaps in a state of shock, I take a couple steps back and the handful of people behind me shuffle forward. The transit vans are faster than the subway, and I know it will be about the same amount of time even if I were to sprint to the nearest station.

But I've got nothing to lose at this point.

I veer right and dance around the old ladies shuffling along and the people leisurely making their way to work on time. I'm out of breath by the time I make it to the tunnel, and as if God were mocking me, the uptown train pulls out of the station as soon as I arrive.

Stunned once more at the futility of it all, I decide to stay put for the next train. Twenty minutes later, one finally rolls into the station. The train car is packed full, but I hold onto the upper handlebar.

A pregnant woman holding a swollen belly standing across from me makes eye contact with a few of the seated passengers. One punk with headphones on pretends not to notice and scrolls through his phone. A man wearing multiple layers of mismatched clothes and holding onto a shopping cart stares straight on, probably to remain that way until the end of the line. An elderly woman starts to sit up, but the man in a suit next to her sits up and offers his seat to the pregnant woman and she sits down right away. Not even a minute later, she slips a bag from underneath her stomach and it becomes clear that she is not pregnant, but feigning so.

When the man who gave up his seat finally notices her, she's putting in earbuds. This man must have been having a similarly shitty morning because instead of ignoring the woman, he looks at her and asks if she's serious. With earbuds in, she wasn't aware the man is talking to her. Being ignored seems to take his anger to the next level and he rips the earbuds out of her ears.

"What's your problem?" She asks.

At this point, the man lunges at the woman and the surrounding people move away from the two as he drags her to the floor and begins to stomp on her. Some passengers try to ignore the scene to not be involved, but most people just watch in stunned horror. Unfortunately for most, this probably isn't an uncommon scene. A couple seconds, a thought crosses my mind, that it's probably foolish of me to expect anyone to step in. The woman obviously lied, but this man's reaction is insane and no one wants to get involved with a crazy man.

She screams, and finally a young man grabs the attacker and restrains his arms.

"You're gonna kill her! Stop! You're gonna kill her!"

A young woman in scrubs, most likely on her way to work, rushes to the woman's side. The crazy man's calmed down, but no one wants to be near him. With everyone's attention on the injured woman crumpled on the floor, he managed to slink off to the corner and sit with his head between his legs.

Thankfully I'm able to get off at the next stop and rush to work. I rush across the lobby and make my way to the eighth floor. As soon as I reach the office, the team leader calls me over.

"Go home."

"What? But I just got here."

"Yeah, and you're late."

"I have work to do though, you need those files before the product launch."

"Not anymore. We have one of the temps taking over. Mr. Kage held an impromptu inspection and you weren't here. There's nothing anyone can do."

"If I can just talk to him, I can explain everything. I just missed the train, and on the car I was on, a woman was almost beaten to death. Please,—"

He shakes his head.

"I'm sorry, but like I said, nothing's going to make him budge. To be honest, we've been meaning to downsize and this was just the perfect excuse. You're not the first, and you won't be the last."

"This can't be real. I'm rarely late, and I've always done my fair share."

"But you're expendable. Don't worry though, you'll get your paycheck in the mail so you don't have to make the trip back. Just be sure to get your desk cleared off before you leave."

The team leader doesn't give any expression of sympathy. I expected as much from him, but I never expected to be on the receiving end. Fresh out of college, I started working at this company with promises of climbing the ladder. I managed to get myself on the leading project proposal team. But it wasn't enough.

I quietly and quickly put my few picture frames and desk paraphernalia in an empty cardboard box and exit the office. Rent is hard enough already living alone, but without a job, I don't know what I'll do.

Mindlessly, I start walking through the crowds of people. It just seems so stupid, all of it. I was one of the brightest in my college, graduated with honors and great expectations, but for what? For what reason did I forsake friends, fun, and sleep? Was it all to work myself five days a week, sometimes six, all day long with nothing to look forward to? I haven't even been on a date since freshman year. While everyone else was hooking up or changing diapers, I was married to my work. I know everyone at the office called me a prude. But I felt such a strong sense of pride, being an independent and intelligent woman. That was what I was supposed to do, right? That's what I should be, right?

Now, all I want to do is cry and I have no one to turn to. No parents, no friends, no one.

I make my way forward, but someone knocks into my side and rips the box from my hands. I start to protest, but he's already gone, lost to the crowd. I don't even have the strength to go after him.

I find myself at another subway station and fall into one of the benches. A train speeds by without stopping and I wonder if it would just be better if I were to stand in the tracks, or if I were that woman from this morning who got beat to a bloody pulp. Maybe if I came into work with a few broken ribs they'd let me keep my shitty job. Study for years to make just enough to get by, only to be expendable at the drop of a hat. I can't imagine this day getting any worse.

I make my to the edge of the platform just like everybody else. Maybe because I was already feeling numb, the pushy crowd of people throws me forward with such force that I stumble. Somebody gasps and I barely let out a breath. I throw a hand out, but no one catches it. The lights are blinding and my stomach drops as I'm thrown forward into the tracks. I'm sure there were people screaming, but I didn't hear anything at all. In fact, I didn't feel anything at all.

That tickles.