basically my life

7th grade.

(disclaimer the last two were mixed up sorry!)

I thought middle school was the time when everyone did there own things nope.
"Nothing."
"Attention seeker."
"Fake."
only to name a few of the things I was called don't want to write the bad ones but whatever. I started to be myself in 7th grade and I'm that funny, outgoing, loud, always annoying girl that everyone hated. I've never had a friend I could just cry to or say we've been through everything because they've always walked out of my life like I was someone they could come to when they needed something. My crush hates me. My friends never have anytime to hangout with me but all the time in the world to hangout with others. I have this one friend Sarah. I'm always there for her and things but I don't think I deserve a friend like her.
and when I tell people what's wrong and when I cry my heart out they just say "what's wrong with you." I don't know maybe I'm FREAKING HURT?!?!?!

I've had many of panic attacks/anxiety. One of my friends killed herself because she was bullied for cheer. My grandmas birthday took a toll on me a really bad one....

Field day was the worst one I've ever had I had a total of 3 panic attacks during an 8 hour period. here's a little story of each one.

1// it was a small one I only had watery eyes. I got scared because I hated my 7/8 period math class everyone, nearly everyone, in that class hates me only a few use me but they don't think I realize it. that is all I remember of that one.

2// we were throwing a ball I think and this kid said your out and the ball didn't even go towards me it was going towards the kid next to me and I said you just don't like me and he said your right and at that point I didn't want to make a scene. so I just sat down and I started to not be able to breathe and I started biting my fingernails and it was bad and so the teacher talked to me and she helped me a lot she doesn't know how much she has helped me. on the occasion I have a lot of attacks due to certain reasons. but since she talked to me have had 1. I'm proud of myself for listening to her and taking things into consideration and actually thinking about what she said and it just helps me. and my friend Abby also was helping too.

3// after lunch the teacher left the room and they were still throwing the ball but they included me. this is where I probably scared everyone.😂 I don't like guys touching my legs or anything. unless I allow you to touch my arm or hair. but the same kid in the last one he touched my leg and went under the chair to get the ball which made me so uncomfortable to the point I yelled at him. and told him i could've got it but no he had to be rude and not ask if it was ok. I mean I would've been more than happy to move so he could get it. and when I yelled at him the chick beside me said he was just getting the ball calm down. and I put my hand up and shut up. And she kept going and I stood up and slammed the chair behind me and went and sat by my friend Abby and she was like are you ok and I started to cry and she and I went to the bathroom and I just cried and tried to stop myself and I ended up stopping but I guess everyone by that kid asked if I was ok. DID I LOOK OK?! and what was wrong. I ended up getting it together and the rest of the day was ok.

but yeah so this was my 7th grade I'm on to 8 and I'll write story's of this summer as it goes. but yeah!