Mischievous Function

Our Dysfunctional Family

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WEDNESDAY

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In the morning...

"Wow, Fanny," Bubble nodded, impressed as she looked over Fanny's shoulder. "You weren't lying when you said you had an absurdly high healing factor."

Fanny let out a grim chuckle as she rotated her left shoulder a few times and stretched it. "Well, all my luck over the years had to go somewhere, right?"

Bubble walked around Fanny in the elevator, taking a look at her shoulder from different angles and seeing how the elevator lighting affected her view of it. "Fanny, that wasn't luck; that was pure strength," she said, her voice growing concerned. "Like...an inhuman amount of tensile strength, specifically. You...do realize that the tensile strength of the average human's muscles is more than a hundred times less than what would be necessary for a bullet to bounce off of it, right?"

"Well, they did use .22 cal," she shrugged. "Felt like getting shot with a Hairsoft gun, honestly. Minus the blood, I mean."

"Wh...Fanny, even .22 cal's fifteen to twenty times more powerful than Hairsoft, at least!"

She backed up to look over Fanny one more time and blinked in disbelief when Fanny merely shrugged again. "Fanny..." she hesitantly asked, concern and fear bubbling up in her voice and wiping her grin off her face, "...who are you? What are you?"

Fanny shifted her gaze to face Bubble, instantly unnerving the latter and causing her to back up a step. She stepped off the elevator wall that she had been leaning on and walked toward Bubble before stopping near the center, unintentionally (and rather dramatically) stopping at just the right point for only the left half of her face and body to be illuminated by the elevator light, leaving her right half to be shrouded in shadows.

"I'm a survivor, Bubble," she told her in a low voice. "A survivor. That's all there is; living and dying. I believe there's winners, and losers...and nothing else besides."

Bubble felt herself slinking along the wall of the elevator in fear at Fanny's sudden serious tone. She internally sighed in relief when Fanny turned away from her to face the elevator doors and, after a bit of reluctance on her part out of fear that Fanny would bite or something, eventually decided to stand right next to her. The next few seconds were spent in awkward silence.

"So...am I a loser, then?"

Fanny glanced at Bubble, who was staring at the floor with her hands clasped in front of her. She looked back at the elevator door, contemplating her next words.

"...There's more than one kind of winner, Bubble," she finally muttered under her breath. "You have a good sister and good parents—a family that loves you. And you love them back. That's already more than I'll ever have, so...I'd say you're even more of a winner than I am."

Bubble looked up at Fanny in shock and watched her turn her head away from Bubble, shoving her hands in her pockets. "Fanny," she told her in a worried voice, "...you do realize that...we love you, right?"

Fanny cast a surprised glance at Bubble before scoffing and fully turning her body away from her and from the elevator light. "Yeah, right," she muttered.

"I'm serious! It's not romantic love or anything, but...we do love you!"

"Whatever. Look, when I fall, I don't want any fuss."

"So you expect us to just throw a party instead?" she huffed angrily. "I know our class likes to call itself a dysfunctional family, but we're still a family! Sure, we can talk a lot of game and be annoying to each other most of the time, and, sure, some of us even hate each other, but at the end of the day, we'll do whatever it takes to protect one of our own. I mean, I know you remember last night! You barely ever talk with Bomby and Naily and all of those people, and they don't exactly idolize you, either, but they were scrambling and tripping over their feet last night to make sure you were okay! When we all ceased to exist, like, two weeks ago or something, you know who was tripping all over herself to make sure we were recovered as soon as possible? Golf Ball! The nerd, the bossy bot! The one who's never shy to show her contempt and distaste for the lot of us peasants! And as we speak, EIGHT PEOPLE from our class, who knew very well that they could come back home for winter break and, if they had, would have also gotten to enjoy this surprise vacation with us—eight of our people, teenagers, our classmates, our brothers and sisters in Four, are currently risking life and limb in Battle Forest to look for what outsiders would describe as a crazed, maniacal, murderous maniac who allegedly has an evil alter ego! And you can't even chalk that up to Firey, either! The other seven? Nickel, Ro-Flo, TV, Grassy, FJ, Flower, and Ruby? Most of them wouldn't give two cares about Leafy at all on a good day! The only reason I'm not out there myself—and I was out there for a while, mind you, just like everyone else—is that, somehow, every time we tried to enter Battle Forest after we were recovered, we just ceased to exist and had to be recovered again. I don't know why those eight are immune to that, but that—that's beside the point! Even though I can't, I want to be out there trying to find her! I want my sister back as soon as possible! I love my sister, Fanny! I love her! And...and, in a way, you're my sister, too! Just like Match and Pencil are my sisters in Four, and Flower, and how Snowball's my brother in Four, and Spongy—even Blocky! You know Blocky and I don't see eye-to-eye most of the time, but if he was stuck out there, lost in the forest and in genuine danger, I would go out to save him, too—and I wouldn't be alone doing it."

In yet another rare surge of confidence, she reached out for Fanny's arm and pulled her back under the elevator light, looking at her with a determined expression that gradually softened into a worried one. "And you don't have to be, either," she said in a gentle voice, shaking her head. "You're not alone, Fanny. As long as all of us live, you'll never be alone. And I know you act like you want to kill all of us, but please...don't let that be the reason why."

Ding.

The elevator doors opened in front of both of them. Fanny hesitated for a moment before walking out. "...Thanks," she said.

"I mean it, Fanny," Bubble told her in a cautious voice as she followed her out.

Fanny stopped and looked back over her shoulder with a nod. "I mean it, too."

Still not completely convinced, Bubble nevertheless nodded back, and the two of them walked down the hallway toward the lobby and the breakfast buffet. After several seconds of walking in silence, they finally arrived at the point where the hallway opened up into the lobby area. They turned to walk toward the breakfast buffet and were immediately met with Microphone walking toward both of them, staring dreamily at the warm omelet lying on her plate.

She looked up for a moment, noticed Fanny, immediately pointed her fork at her, and said in an expectant voice, "してるからに決まってんじゃん？"

"それでも信じて幸せになるように礼儀正しく、" Fanny replied with a grin. "まずは些細な挨拶とこから：'Are you ready?'"

Microphone gave her a satisfied nod as she walked over to the group table. "Not bad, Gunshot Girl," she called over her shoulder. "Good job with the homework!"

"I've been called worse!" Fanny shot back with another grin before she and Bubble walked over to the breakfast buffet to start the day.

"AWRIGHT, ROLL CALL!"

Fanny, Bubble, the student idols, and the rest of the students and guests eating breakfast in the lobby dining area flinched away from Toilet's loud, annoying bellowing as the latter pulled out a small notebook and clicked his mechanical pencil.

"LIGHTNING!" "Here." "MARKER!" "Here." "YELLA FACE!" "Here!" "ROCKY!" "Bulleh!" "BARF BAG!" "Here." "SPONGY!" "Here." "GREAT! THAT'S EVERYONE!"

Toilet flipped his notebook closed and shoved it back into his pocket before looking around the dining area. He spotted Pillow and Pie talking with Two in the corner and called out, "OI, PILLOW AND PIE! YA SURE YA STILL DON'T WANNA COME?"

"No, thanks," Pillow replied with a smile. "My contact got arrested recently, so we're trying to find someone new and trustworthy to fence the securities we stole as well as a way to launder the money we bagged. I have a feeling it'll take all week."

"OKAY! GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR ILLEGAL BUSINESS DEALINGS AND THE AFTERMATH OF YOUR BANK ROBBERY!"

Tree looked to one side and saw Pillow, Pie, and Two talking about very illegal things; looked to the other side and saw six of his classmates walking off with a teacher's assistant from a school in a completely different district; and proceeded to gently set his cup of tea down on the table in front of him before clutching his head and nearly ripping his hair out.

"What is happening?" he breathed. "For the love of dirt, can anyone in our two districts just be normal for one day?!"