Little Lino

Chapter 6

Sorry for my sudden Hiatus, I've just had too many assignments and forgot to update, this is a pre written chapter cuz I don't have ideas 😂

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"I'm sorry" - "Hmm?"

"About this morning, I think it came out wrong. I didn't mean to make it seem like you guys gave me the feeling that there was no time for me to slip. I know that you would have been there if I wanted to but I truly didn't want to slip."

"Min, it's okay. You don't have to explain yourself I'm not mad or disappointed or whatever you think I might be" after a small pause he continues "why wouldn't you want to slip?"

Chan feels Minho turning around now facing him even though it's hard to make out his face in the darkness of the room.

"I-I think, I just felt like it would be too much, you saw what happened the last time. God, I cried so much I feel so stupid. I mean I see how tired we all are, especially the younger ones in my dorm and I know they would stay awake and be there for me if I slipped. I don't want to be the reason for you guys not getting enough rest and if I'm crying the whole time, it's not nice for you and also not for me so I guess I thought that I can just wait it out"

Chan really wants to take the other one in his arms but he feels like that would have to come from Minho today, not wanting to push the other one towards his headspace by his action of comfort.

"That's not something you should have to 'just wait out', if I see someone else struggling, I sit down with them and we talk it through, you know that, no matter how long that might take. Isn't your headspace the same in some way? Instead of talking, forgetting for a while. I mean we are still gonna talk about everything that's been going on with you the last few weeks don't get me wrong but while Seungmin for example likes to talk about everything directly your way of dealing with stuff is slipping and that's okay"

"But it's so much work and time"

"Min, don't you think that I would tell you if I don't want to look after little-you? Believe it or not it's a time where I can relax as well. I can't think about anything better than to spend my time with little-you, I don't think you know how adorable you are, all the boys love to look after you, not just me" the only response he gets is a grumpy tone at the word adorable "and yes there are times when you cry but that's okay, it's your way of working through stuff and I'm going to be there and hold you the same way I'm going to gladly sit down with Seungmin for a whole afternoon again if he feels like it or listen to Hyunjin talk about his art for an entire evening because that's his way of dealing with big emotions."

"Can you hold me?" after he had wanted to hug the boy during their entire conversation, Chan gladly reaches out his arms to press the younger one towards his chest.

"You know, it's okay Min. I know the last few weeks have been a lot and I'm sorry that I didn't really notice your struggle but we will deal with everything together as soon as you want and I'm going to tell you this now and repeat it as many times as you need but when you slip the next time and you feel like crying is the way to go, go for it."

He hears Minho scoffing into his chest. "I mean it. You can cry as long as you want, I will be there. You don't have to avoid slipping into your headspace because you are afraid of crying. It's going to be fine."

Again, there is not much of a response but Chan also didn't expect a lot, hoping that Minho at least registers the message he's been trying to get across and that he's going to accept slipping as soon as the day tomorrow is over.

It's quiet for a while and Chan's pretty sure that Minho already fell asleep so he gets surprised when he hears him quietly talking again.

"You know, I slipped yesterday evening. I really didn't want to but everything was just too much and the other three were already asleep so I didn't want to wake anyone up and I - I really thought about calling you but it was so late and I'm sure you were already asleep as well and then you would have to come to our dorm and I just - I just, I felt so overwhelmed."

Chan hears Minho taking in a shaking breath.

"And tired, really tired. So, I just really wanted to sleep but you know I can't sleep without Mr. BunBun and a goodnight kiss and oh god this sounds so ridiculous saying it out loud."

For a second Chan smiles, the goodnight kiss a tradition that somehow developed and now was one of the most important things for the little but then he gets confused because yes, little-Min can't sleep without the white bunny but it normally sits right next to his pillow, even when big, so why was that a problem yesterday?

He slowly strokes Minho's back, trying to calm him down a bit because with each sentence leaving the others mouth, he feels like the younger is one step closer to bursting into tears.

"I put him away. Every morning it was so hard to get out of bed with him sitting there and he made me feel so small, so - so I put him into my drawer that way I didn't have to see him"

Now a small sob actually leaves his lips.

"Chan, I put him in my drawer! Under my hoodies! A-and I really really needed to hold him yesterday because I couldn't get a kiss and I felt so lonely but he was in my drawer and I was so tired."

Another sob.

"I think I made it to the wardrobe but not back to my bed because apparently my stupid ass slept on the floor in front of the wardrobe today. I mean at least I had Mr. BunBun."

At this point Minho's silently sobbing into Chan's chest and Chan feels his heart breaking at hearing how awful his evening actually seemed to have been. Instead of responding he tightens his hold and starts whispering small reassurances towards the crying boy in the hope of calming him down again.

It seems to work because soon the sobs are reduced to a few small sniffles. To be honest Chan doesn't know whether he's holding his little right now or just an absolutely exhausted Minho but he seems to get somehow of an answer when the other starts whispering in a small voice again.

"Do you think Binnie will be mad if I borrow Gyu from him?"

"I think it will be fine, he surely is keeping your Mr. BunBun company tonight so I think it's only fair if you borrow him" Chan laughs quietly, "do you want me to get him?"

After feeling Minho nod, he carefully loosens his hold and quickly jogs towards Changbin's room to get the blue Munchlax plushie, not wanting to leave Minho alone for too long as he seemingly is at least somehow small right now.

Upon returning to his bed, he holds out the plushie, waiting for Minho to get comfortable again before wrapping his arms around the boy and finally getting the feeling that the younger one is able to relax with one hand having a tight grip on the plushie and the other one holding onto his shirt. Listening to Minho's breath slowly evening out while falling asleep he hopes for the next day to go by quickly so that everything can fall back into place.