To Me

❤️‍🩹

Sometimes I don't understand adults

They say something and mean something else. Their lives are too complicated. Am I gonna be like them in the future? I hope not

What is adulthood anyway. I don't wanna grow up, growing up scares me. I'm afraid that I'll become too focused on just doing a 9 to 5 job, make money and have a family, completely forgetting about myself. That's what I've always seen. My parents are selfless well my mom is... all through my life I've seen her work and just work. Isn't it exhausting?! Isn't it boring?

I don't understand the concept of life. Our parents make us go to school where teachers tell us no make us compete amongst each other to see who can get the highest marks. 80 percent 90 percent 99 percent... too much pressure. They forget that we are children learning about life just now. The things that we learn in school aren't even applicable in real life so what's the point of going to school.

Right now I'm at the edge of breaking down. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about the situation I'm facing right now. What I thought and what happened was a total plot twist in my life. What have I done so bad that I deserve this?! Am I really that bad like all the other people say?!

Maybe I am That's why I'm facing the consequences.

I feel empty but not lonely.. I wanna talk to someone about my feelings but on the other hand I don't want anyone to know about my feelings. I'm just tired of myself. My mind keeps telling me it's all my fault and my heart keeps telling me to cry. Why is life so brutal towards me?

All the other kids my age will be going to college from next month whereas, I'll be at home in bed crying probably. What about the plans I made? I was finally trying to be happy but guess life doesn't want me to be happy at all. I don't blame anyone at all, it's just that I'm really disappointed at myself. I curse at myself and I feel like at this rate I might kill myself