What I Want

Chapter One

     I can remember it like yesterday. Waking up, heading towards the shower while Sawyer and Bryce were sleeping in our bed. Sawyer had his own, but Bryce still let him sleep in ours from time to time. I had turned the shower on, letting it warm up before I stepped in. I let the warm water run over me while I relaxed a bit. The door had opened up, and the sound of urine hitting the water in the toilet bowl meant Bryce had woken. I heard him let out a sigh before he leaned against the sink across from the shower. "Penelope, we need to talk." He had spoken sternly, letting me know it was serious. "So talk." I replied back, shampooing my hair. "I don't want to do this - us, anymore. I just don't feel the spark." He explained, pushing off the sink and towards the door and walking back out. It all sounds small to you, probably. But for years, with one person, it is a long time, especially with 2 year old child. I'm forced back into reality by Sawyer yelling from the living room as I cooked him breakfast. It'd been a year already, and in it, Bryce had missed Sawyers 3rd birthday, Christmas with him, first day of preschool. Never a peep from his end. Him and Janine were having their first child together already, due any day now, and living in the same house, same bedroom even. As I push the pancakes onto the plate and syrup them. I head towards the living room, setting the plate in front of my son. "Eat up, or you'll be late, and don't get syrup on your clothes!" I called out while heading to the bedroom to get ready for work. I work at a small diner off the highway. Tips are great, and the people are too. Some are from town, but most are from other places, traveling and exploring the country. How lucky they must be to afford the ways of the road.

***

     "Nice of you to join us, Pea. We're slammed, and Jared doesn't want to pay another waitress for the day, so it's you and me." Zoe said, hustling towards a table as I went to clock in. Zoe was an older woman, in her fifties, maybe sixties. Worked her since my parents were kids. She was small, fragile. And very hippy like. She loved nature and tiedye and never shut up about Woodstock. The door bells jangle, letting us know someone had walked in as I tied my apron. Zoe yells for me to help them as I grab an order pad with a pen and head out, pulling menus and towards my side of the diner. I set the menus on the only table that doesn't have people eating already and look up. Four men sit at the table, all of them littered in tattoos and comb backed hair. It was like they were copies of each other. "Hello, I'm Penelope. What can I get you guys to drink this morning?" I ask, pen and pad ready. "Yeah, just some coffee for now. Thanks, " one of them spoke, grabbing a menu. I nod and head for four cups and a coffee pot. As I headed back to the table, the chattering they were doing  went silent. I set the cups down and poured with caution, avoiding splashback. "Sorry about my friend. It's been a long night." The one right ext to me spoke up. I looked over at him and smiled. "No worries. Are you ready to order?" I asked. He smiled back, nodding as he handed me all the menus at once. I set the pot down and grabbed the pad with my pen, writing their orders down. I took the note, heading to the counter, handing  it to Jeff the cook. I  checked on the customers at the counter, pouring a few more cups of coffee.  "Now darlin' I may be hard of hearing, but I ain't blind. Yet. That young, handsome fella has been turning around and stating at glancing at you since you took their order. You been flirtin' with someone other than wild old man Bill?" Zoe questions me. My face burns red as I glance over towards his table. Catching his eyes, he quickly turned back to face his friends. Bill chirps up. "You know I only have eyes for you Zoe." He jokes, giving her a small wink. She rolls her eyes and head to a table with coffee in hand. I laugh and glance once more towards the unknown men's table. "Pea! Orders ready!" Jeff calls out. There was heat in my stomach. Butterflies if you want to call it that. Zoe had made me nervous and she knew I wasn't looking for anything serious. I had several men come in here, asking for a date or my number but i havent trusted one since so i dont even bother. This one was different. Most i hadnt felt any attractiveness towards but just the eye contact alone made me red. I grab the trays of food and head towards their table, setting down the single stack of pancakes, steak with eggs, country fried steak with cowboy potatoes, and a cheeseburger with fries. It was morning who eats a cheeseburger for breakfast. "Here ya go. Let me know if you need anything else I'm just a holler away." I tell them, giving them a smile and going to grab the check for the booth across from them. "Will do. Thank you." The first guy who spoke replied as he dug into his country fried steak. I handed the truck driver his check and headed back to the counter to swipe it down and clear it from empty used cups. "Penelope?" I heard from behind me. I turned around to see the guy from one of my tables. The one who apologized. He looked like a modern version of a greater from the fifties. Tanned skin, tattoos, with a cigarette behind his ear. He was tall, brooding, and handsome as well. To break it down, he was Attractive. Or atleast that's the vibe he gave off. "Hi, did you guys need anything?" I asked, wiping the counter down he smiled and hung his head. "I'm Carlos. I just wanted to ask for the check." He explained. I nodded and headed towards the register, punching in the note to get the total. He pays me the total and I hand him the receipt. He smiles once more before turning away and towards the table. I shut the register heading towards the couple who had just walked in. I push back the stray hairs and Continue to work. Today was gonna be a long day.

***

    

       As I unlock the door to our apartment Sawyer is rambling on about school and what he did. I swing the door open and set our stuff on the ground, helping him with his bag before he bolts to his toy box. I shut the door and take the bag of groceries to the kitchen, unloading them into the fridge. I untied my apron and pulled ny tips out, counting them. Two hundred bucks in tips wasn't bad at all. I poured myself a cup of wine before I started on dinner. Downing 3 of them before it even finished. Once Sawyer ate he took a bath and watched TV before I put him down for bed. "Mommy?" He asked while I tucked him in. I smiled and looked at him. "Yes baby?" I questioned, kissing his head. "Can we have ice cream for dinner tomorrow?" He asked, smiling up at me. Pure joy slathered across his face. I laugh and stand up. "Nice try. You can have some for dessert how does that sound?" I negotiate with him. He nods and squeezes his teddy bear before we say goodnight and I shut the light off, exiting his room. I head to the kitchen and pour myself glass after glass of wine, slumped on the coach watching whatever animal cartoon was on the TV, still feeling the emptiness like every other night.