A Reaccuring Dream In The Mist

II

I am now a fairy from a faraway land. I never belonged to this dense planet, and she will never belong to me. I am just a traveler, who has so far regretted this stay.

My heart clenches thinking about the last sentence, because I know it is not true. I don't tell the truth sometimes and I don't even think it sometimes. It is normal here. We can all say it is human, but honestly our Mother Gaia has not disciplined us for our lies because she has very low expectations of us humans and other beings.

I sit with my legs crossed in the bathtub, rethinking the dream over and over again. I don't dream a lot due to my marijuana usage, so I was completely dumbfounded by how quick this rare occurrence of a dream has taken over my life so quickly. The warm water gently caresses my skin, like it has a life of its own. Just like the walls of the bare room. I feel the water breathe onto my skin, like it's pouring some of its raging life originated from the oceans into my blue veins. I sit in the bathtub, in the dark room, with one candle by my side. I haven't stepped out in months it seems. But I look at my phone, and one hour has only passed. I let my pale skin soak up the water for a few more minutes. I still feel buzzed, and my mind soaks up the feeling.

"All clear."

"All clear."

"ALL CLEAR."

Why did those two simple words have such power ? It repeats in my head like a skipping record. I look around at my dim surroundings, for reassurance of something I don't understand fully, but nobody was there this time. This big house is empty, and no matter how much I try to make it seem full of life, I am the only life form in this household. I clutch my knees at the feeling of sudden isolation. My mind spins, and spins, and spins. I look at the time once again.

3:35am. How did I stay in this tub for three hours now ??

I then realize that the water my skin is soaking up is ice cold. I step out of the clawfoot tub and grab my towel. A ringing is going on in my ear, and it wont stop. My head feels dense, like someone dumped weights in it. I groan in pain and stumble toward the mirror. The mirror is foggy, but there is a light illuminating from my body. I wipe the foggy mirror and realize the light is illuminating from my head, and not only is there a light, but also an eye, staring back at me. My eyes widen, and my heart starts ramming into my chest. Before I can verbally question this experience, a force pulls my soul out of the room entirely. A white light overcomes my eyesight, and it is all I know as of now. I try to look at my hands but I do not see them, nor my arms or legs. I am nothing. I am within the light. I am the light, the nothingness, the never-ending.

"All clear."

I hear the voice I recognize once again, and my reality warps, and warps, and warps, until it creates a setting. I now realize that I'm not sure if I'm awake or asleep, I'm just skipping through dimensions and that's all I know.

I am now Nova.

I have lived for 15 years.

I have not fully realized my creative abilities yet.

Snow whips by me, and I am at a lamp post. I am next to a nursery home, and there is a store across the road. I check my pockets, and there are many cigarette butts and a lighter. I now realize that I am in one of my many dark nights of the soul. I am dead as of this moment, as dead as this night. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I instantly pull it out. I got a text message from my mother.

"If you keep running away like this, you're gonna go to a hospital once again ! I can't believe you can be this ignorant to hurt others like this. This is all on you !"

And believe me, I want to move, but my feet stay solid to the ground. I know now I'm just allowed to observe, to feel this dark night all over again. My tears slide down my cheek. I don't understand this world yet, or the consequences I will be facing in the next two years.

All of the sudden, white lights start dancing on the road. These white lights have wings, I then realize that these are fairies, winter fairies. I close my eyes at the thought of wanting, of longing to be with them. Without a care in the world, no worries, just dancing, just singing.

I open my eyes once again and I am with them. I look down just to see light. I look around to see many other lights, many other spirits. I realize that this light has taken over my mind. I am at peace, now my only job is to dance, to sing, to create. I laugh at this realization. I am let go of my duties for this earth as of now, and now all I can do is dance away in the night.

Except for this small fact that makes me different from these fairies dancing with me.

I remember...

I remember my hardships, I remember my attempts to leave this earth, I remember the human stress I've experienced. These fairies were born into this light, I brought myself into this light too early.

Why did I do it ?

To escape.

All of a sudden a force pulls my soul out of this world entirely. A white light overcomes my eyesight, and it is all I know as of now. I try to look at my hands but I do not see them, nor my arms or legs. I am nothing. I am within the light. I am the light, the nothingness, the never-ending.

But how is there a never-ending if it is all nothing ?

"All clear."

This voice. I have it on the tip of my tongue. I've met this voice before.