𝐑𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐧 𝐑𝐨𝐥𝐥 (hobie brown x reader)

.isolation

1st person

I'm so fucking tired, I'm tired of being treated like a piece of shit by everyone around me when I'm trying my best. I'm tired of people always assuming the worst of me. I'm tired. I'm tired of doing what she asks and it still not being enough. I'm tired of trying my best and still not being appreciated for it. I'm tired of being called self centered and selfish when all I am is a teen girl trying to figure out why I'm so unhappy.

Why am I so lonely, the boy I was infatuated with ghosted me after using me for my body.. my friend group ghosted me after I moved , I got fired from my job.. and most importantly my mom has been a total bitch.

Honestly, even though all this shit has happened, I still see good in it. I've been getting closer with my best friend, Lexi, and I got welcomed into a new, healthy friend group. And I got my own apartment, 7,895 kilometers away from that devil that I call my mother.

Even though things have been shitty, at least I can be happy that now I'm finally free. I can fuck in my new apartment if I want to, I can get high without worrying about my mom catching me. I can leave at any time I want. I can sleep over at my friends flat if I want. I can have boys over if I want to.. not that I wanted to though...

After my ex situation ghosted me... I've been struggling to find other men attractive, I find myself consciously forcing myself to find men that I used to like attractive now even though I don't feel anything for them at all anymore. It's been hard, but hanging out with my friend Lexi has helped. Sometimes, even though it's been 3 weeks since I sucked his dick and he blocked me, I still wonder why he didn't want me..

What I did, or didn't do to make him not like me how he did in the beginning.

Was I not pretty enough?

Was he scared to be in the relationship with someone as amazing and hilarious as me?

Am I kidding who gives a fuck... he was shorter than me anyway.... And he was addicted to Xanax.... And he had a shitty haircut.... And I do remember the time when he told me he doesn't use a loofa or wash cloth and just rubs the soap in while showering......

I need to stfu and stop thinking about it. He just gave me the opportunity to find someone better than him.

On a better note, a sweet, stylish, better note. My flat is finally fully decorated and I'm fully unpacked. My skincare is fully stocked. Fresh new bottles of my face wash, serums and moisturizer. And a completely new makeup collection, full, unopened foundation bottles, concealer and mascara still in unopened boxes, when I said fresh start. I MEANT it.

3rd person

You stare down at your phone, counting how many missed calls you got from your mother and checking the group chat to see if any of them are talking about anything interesting. You watch lexis stories on Instagram and snap. A small smile cracking on your lips as you watch them. You check the time, eleven o'clock at night. You slept all day again today. Your sleep schedule messed up due to the fact you only have school 2 times a week and no job to force you to get up in the morning.

You sigh. Feeling the guilt of another wasted day get placed onto your shoulder. You close your eyes for a moment. Breathing in all the tiredness, feeling the pit in your stomach grow. Your breathe out, rolling out of bed and standing up slowly to avoid the feeling of fainting when you stand up too fast.