I'm here

Chapter 3

Sideswipe couldn't sleep, even as the stars started to vanish and the sky was slowly turning pink and gold blended together. He had been laying in the same spot for hours and hours but had been unable to recharge, for every time he closed his optics he saw him.

"Yous are such a dirty slut!"

Bolting up Sideswipe heaved heavily, almost certain he had that voice spoken directly into his audio. He looked around but he was still alone in his secluded spot of the scrapyard. The morning birds were chirping and the wind blew overhead, just another calm morning on Earth.

"He's not here, he's not here," he told himself over and over, "he can't get in, I'm safe, he can't get me, he can't get me," he kept chanting these words over and over, hoping that the words could actually convince himself that it was all true.

He climbed off of his makeshift berth and went for a walk, heading towards the large signpost where the Autobots like to climb up to either think or be alone. He climbed all the way to the top and settled down, watching as the sun slowly rose over the human city on the horizon. He came up here once before but didn't find the view appealing and instead used the signpost to practise his jumps, but now all he could do was stare at it. It was pretty and the sunrise enhanced its beauty, almost reminding him of home. Sideswipe sighed as he thought of his home planet. If he hadn't left none of this would have happened...

"Jazz told me to stop trying to find someone to blame," he huffed. He really did want to blame Strongarm for dragging him here or his father for failing to warn him, but Jazz was right for none of them could predict what would happen.

Pulling out the rag Jazz leant him Sideswipe stared at it for a moment. He wasn't expecting his favourite Autobot veteran to show up all of a sudden. He panicked when Jazz revealed he knew what happened and fled in shame. Jazz could had just left him alone but he chased after him, refusing to leave him be. The stuff he said helped a little but not a great deal. All these negative feelings were still present and the disgusting sensation was still looming all over his body.

He looked down at his belly once more, running a single hand over it.

"Maybe you'll make a good breeder for my brothers... That is after yous gives me my sparkling, o' course!"

Sideswipe felt sick again and suppressed the urge to purge. "Dad said he pumped my chamber," he told himself, "I'm not carrying, I'm not carrying, I'm not." But what if it didn't work? What if dad was too late and right now a sparkling was growing inside of him? He cursed the fact they didn't have proper medical facilities here on Earth. All he could was cling to the hope that he wasn't carrying.

His hand left his belly but slid further down until it rested above his interface panel. In the past, before coming to Earth, he had looked at his valve out of curiosity. After what happened in the forest and when he got some privacy from the others, Sideswipe looked again and was distraught with how damaged it was. Fixit tried to explain that it would get better in time but unfortunately the scars would remain. A tear formed and he used Jazz's rag to wipe the tear away.

"Hey up there!"

Sideswipe looked down and saw Jazz waving up to him. Sideswipe awkwardly waved back but said nothing. "Can I join you?" shouted Jazz. Sideswipe wanted to be alone but he had a feeling Jazz would try and to convince to let him up. "Ok," he called out weakly.

Jazz climbed up the signpost swiftly and plopped himself next to Sideswipe, his face bearing an energetic smile. "Wow, now this is a view," he sighed as he stared off into the horizon, "you come up here often? I bet you do just to look at this everyday."