The Shield's Fate

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Viv

It's been an up and down rollercoaster of emotion the last several days. Cal hasn't left my side. We left the hospital three days ago and he has been waiting on me hand-and-foot, taking all his business dealings from the house.

On top of dealing with Cal's hovering, I get calls from Chris several times a day and he's been texting me nearly all day every day to check-in. Nessa, Mira, Martina, Caitlin, and Iris aren't much better. The group chat is consistently blowing up.

I try to assure everyone that I'm okay.

I'm so preoccupied making sure they all know I'm okay that I don't know if I actually am okay or not.

It's a strange thing – thinking you're about to die.

So many things flash through your mind. And then the inevitable acceptance.

When I woke up in that hospital bed with Cal looking at me, I knew that I couldn't waste another moment of this life. I had to tell him how I felt. It was scary – terrifying, even. But I had to do it. I couldn't go on without him knowing the truth.

The attack brought back so many emotions, and new emotions too. Emotions that I hadn't let myself fully feel and dive into when my parents died.

Had they accepted their fate when they had a gun pointed at them?

Did they have regrets?

My heart aches, as it always does when I think of them. Of the lives they could have had. There was still so much to do. And then, darkness – nothing.

I had beat that.

I shudder at the thought of Chris losing both me and my parents like that. The idea that he'd have to somehow find a way to cope with that kind of loss made me physically ill.

I've been crying a lot.

I've always tried to get a handle on my emotions. I spent years trying to be strong for my brother. I didn't want him to see me weak. I needed the others in our lives to know I could handle being a parent to my brother. Therefore, I'd found ways throughout the years to compartmentalize that grief.

It seems that being attacked and almost dying opened the floodgates.

Each time I think about my time on this earth being over, I sob uncontrollably.

Cal understands.

Each time it happens, he just holds me in his arms, strokes my hair, lets me cry, tells me he loves me – that he'll always love me.

He tells me that it's okay to cry. That I should let it out.

He's also set me up with a therapist to talk to once I'm ready. I've never gotten therapy before, but I know it'll be a good idea. It will make me better for the future.

Kate Callahan comes over every day, too. She brings me books and treats. Sometimes we talk business, but mostly she just sits, and we talk about nothing at all.

I find myself growing closer and closer to Cal's mom.

Her presence has been so appreciated, and it's felt like she's filling a gap that has long been cold and empty.

The day she stroked my hair in the hospital and kissed my forehead reminded me so much of my own mother that I had become overwhelmed with emotion.