My Caladanian Rain [A Paul Atreides Story]

10176 AG

Orchards and vineyards,

And full breasted houris,

And a cup overflowing before me.

Why do I babble about battles,

And mountains reduced to dust?

Why do I feel these tears?

Heavens stand open

And scatter their riches;

My hands need but gather their wealth.

Why do I think of an ambush,

And poison in a molten cup?

Why do I feel my years?

Love's arms beckon

With their naked delights,

And Eden's promise of ecstasies.

Why do I remember the stars,

Dream of old transgressions...

And why do I sleep with fears?

Gurney's Song

"The Harkonnens had struck the Atreides in their sleep." The emperor announces during their morning meal.

"And what about Paul?" Was the first thing Ilvermorny could blurt out before anybody added a word.

"Lot in the desert." Replied her father.

"It was news that he was dead!" Irulan exclaimed.

"Oh, surely I know better." The emperor began to churn his food loudly, and it made the rest of the table cringe.

Ilvermorny had the same thought as Irulan. Who was to survive such an attack?

Over the night, Ilvermorny tossed and turned. Unable to shake the feeling of ache in her chest. Her heart might have skipped a beat within each second apart. Her head throbs with pain, and she couldn't quite bring herself to slumber. She had not been aware of what was happening in Arrakis until the early morning when she had heard Wensicia and Irulan gossip about it.

"I heard that the Lady Jessica and Paul had been thrown as a sacrifice to the sandworms," Wensicia said.

"Oh, how unfortunate. They were a delightful mother and son." Irulan remarked.

"If only they hadn't upset Father so much," There was the sound of grave disappointment in her sisters' voices.

"I heard Ilvermorny beg the other day," Irulan said, voice getting quieter, and she was whispering. "To father, of course,"

"Did she ask him not to send the family to Arrakis?" Wensicia asks.

"In a way, though she asked him to spare Paul," Irulan replied. "The foolish girl must love him so."

"Or could just be infatuated with the nicety he had shown her." It was as if to insult Ilvermorny.

"Too bad that he is dead," Irulan did sound genuine.

"No one will love her anymore." Wensicia laughed maniacally.

Ilvermorny had not taken a particular liking to any of her older sisters. They were jealous, and without the Bene Gesserit training, they would've been fools who had nothing to brag about.

She had almost lost her appetite. Finding no strength to face her father, who she thought loved her more than anyone in this room. Fate had fallen out of her favor in all aspects. She refused to look into his eyes, scared of what she might do to the silverware set out in front of her. He was the reason why Paul had almost died. Paul could be dead now, for all she knows. Yet there was something so striking about how certain her father was with his word. Lost in the desert, was just to say that death comes sooner or later. She wants to believe that Paul will be able to survive it. He was trained in the weirding way, though she had never seen his floor works in a defense mode. He had always forbidden her to train with him, was it he was scared to show her how inefficient he was with weapons? Was it all in modesty that he didn't want her to make a fool of herself?

The thought that never will she ever be with Paul for a long time, if not for eternity, brought a shock to her entire being. Her heart hiccups so severely, and her stomach twists around in a knot. Though she made no sign that she wanted to cry.

It was only but a few days ago when she had a visit to Castle Caladan. That day was also when the emperor's orders were presented to the Atreides. Not a single person in the castle had hatred for her presence. No traces of loathing can be found on Duke Leto and Lady Jessica. The Bene Gesserit lady even set her aside for a talk as she headed out. Paul was clinging to her.

"Do not be guilty, my dear." Jessica places a hand on her shoulder then. "It is our fate, and we must accept it." Just as Paul looked away, she spoke to her in a low voice, "And that is your fate, and you too must accept it." Instantly both she and Jessica targeted their gaze on Paul. Which made Paul let out a nervous chuckle. "I heard that." He spoke defensively. It made Ilvermorny laugh. Jessica turned toward them, tenderly.

"I have but two fates, Mother," Paul said. "Arrakis, and maybe a little of something else, too," He had again found her eyes.

"Multitudes, as I would put it." Jessica smiles.

Ilvermorny couldn't remember if she had looked flushed then, but Paul had spurned to quit coiling his arm around hers.

"We are nearly there," She protested.

"Not quite there at all." He winked at her.

But this is now. Paul can quit clinging to her since that will never happen anymore. There is no possible route to take to be back to what once was.

Guilt reeked off Irulan as she patted Ilvermorny's head before leaving the dining hall. Strange how Irulan could be apathetic. Something about it also raised one of Wensicia's eyebrows. Paul was right, Corrino princesses were nothing but a bunch of spoiled young women. Paul would have pulled Wensicia's hair if he found out how rough she'd treated his dearest Mornie. His Gaitha. That name. No one will ever call her by it. It was his name for her; no one else knew about it. Now it feels like the name had never come to exist.

Who else does she have in this world if not Paul?

"But remember, whenever it rains here, I am thinking of you." He said, back at Caladan. "When you find yourself alone, and lonely. When you find yourself with acquaintances that bore you, hurt you, and undeniably make you so desperate to be with me—then does Caladan rain."