Toxic

I am as toxic as the poison gas
The gas that had killed millions
The same toxins that killed them
I'm as poisonous as an Apple in a fairy tale
I am a gas that drives people away
but I want to be a sweet aroma
But I know that's not gonna happen
I steal the air that people breath
I make people run
I am a poison to humanity
My empty pill bottles bloom in the light
But yet I still fill like a viper just bit me
And the venom is rotting through my veins
And the only way to get rid of it is through pain and suffering but if I can't even do that then
What can I do
How can I fix myself
How can I take a dagger and cut the venom out of me
How can I save the people
Instead of hurt
The things I do
Makes me sick to my stomach
As if I had food poisoning
And here I go again
Making it all about me
I always do this
I make sure everything little part of their life mine
I can't even kill myself
Because then they would say
"Wow so selfish"
"Ugh attention whore"
"Maybe I should do the same"
And I would be a poison-still afterlife
I spread like a virus
Like a disease
And yet I still feel as if I was infected
And it's going through my body
Like water down a stream
And yet I feel like this
Like a plague
Like poison
toxic
Too many people ask me why
Over hundreds, I have hurt
X amount I have saved
I'm the problem that
Can't even be fixed
The past is the past they say
I don't even want to kill myself
I just want to have never existed
So that people never had gotten hurt
Well what about the good you've done
People will say
The good I have done is a small pill
To the overdose of hate, I have given the world
I am stuck in a loop of hurt after pain after healing and yet it just starts again
Hurt pain healing
Hurt pain healing
What if I never heal
What if they never heal
And it still goes but it just
More hurt more pain
More hurt more pain
God don't you love me
Why would you do this to me
You took my hope and crushed it
You took my love and removed it
But I'm just a toy
No, I'm a gas
I'm toxic gas