HEART FOR HIRE ✓

Twenty Five

I know better than to mention the incident at Jeanette's apartment again. Hell, it's as terrifying as if it happened minutes ago.
Jeanette didn't say anything about it either and she doesn't have to. I may be an idiot but I notice things too.

My God! You should have seen Jeanette's face when she came out of hiding. She was sweating all over and crying. She didn't look surprised. It makes me feel afraid that it has happened before.

I watched the psycho drive away from the apartment at light speed and hoped that he won't return. I can't bear being in the same room as him.
But he was so sweet to the other woman in the store. He was smiling and holding her like a can of gold.

He was good with Jeanette at first too, my brain reminds me.

"Did we buy the baking powder?" Jeanette calls from the kitchen. "I can't see it."

"It must be somewhere," I head to the kitchen and start looking through the baking supplies we just bought. It's at the bottom of the shopping bag. "See, here it is. Are you in love? Love makes people blind."

"It does," she mutters, "don't fall in love. You see the red flags as pink. And it's true when they say that love covers a multitude of sins."

For a moment, I curse myself for bringing up the topic. Before I can apologize for it, she beats me to it.

"It's very sweet at the beginning. They are all you want to see, talk to, spend your time with. It makes you a simp," she laughs bitterly. "But it's a beautiful feeling, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You don't feel alone, you feel cared for and there's someone there to listen to you. It's good."

"But?"

"It gets old. You can't keep doing the same thing over and over again. You get tired of it and look for something different. The phone calls you used to wait for suddenly become just a part of the routine and they don't sound as special as they used to. Things your partner used to do and they seemed insignificant start grossing you out and you get irritated easily."

"Is that how you felt?" Love is not easy as people describe it. Don't you just fall in love with one person and that's it?
"What do you do when it gets old and boring?"

"Make it seem new again. Make it as special as it used to be. Look for new things to spice it up and pursue them as if the relationship just began. Keep it interesting and something to keep both of you together and happy because the world is already too hard on you enough. You can't be in a relationship that's hard on you too."

"It's a lot of work," I wonder out loud

"Pass the salt, will you?" I do as I'm told and Jeanette continues. "It is and I've learnt that in the hardest way possible. If you are the only one trying hard for your relationship to survive, it's gonna get tiring and too heavy for you to carry. I don't think I can take it anymore. I've been trying for months now and nothing can convince me to go through such pain ever again."

"I'm confused." Jeanette turns to me with raised eyebrows. "Both of you are in love with each other. What stops both of you from trying?"

"Because love alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship," she walks away to put the cupcakes in the oven. She returns and helps me clean the kitchen island. "You realize that a relationship is between two people who didn't know each other until they met, right? Two people who aren't related or born together. There is bound to be so many differences between the two. So many misunderstandings, beliefs, culture and stuff. And it takes a lot more than just love to resolve them."

"Brandon is white and I'm black. He is rich and I'm not. He has parents and a good family and I don't. It took so much to convince him to do certain things and the same applies to me. I didn't want to be his dirty secret just because his mother is a horrible racist but I did. Because I understood that he wanted to keep his mother and I. But I can't be the only one making sacrifices and being compromised. It's not fair."

"I'm sorry," she rubs a tear from left eye, "this must be too much for you, huh?"

"No!" I yelp. "I want to hear more. I want you to let it all out."

"I admire you, y'know," she sighs. "You have never been in love before. Your heart is still intact and you still have many chances to find the one for you."

"We don't know if that will happen," I frown. Will that happen some day? "Love is so scary. I had no idea that it takes more than that. I'm afraid."

"You won't have a tragic love story like mine. It doesn't work like that for everyone," she smiles at me. "But always remember that for every relationship, it takes effort of two to prevent the ship from sinking."

"Jean," I hug her tightly like a teddy bear, "you are an angel. I don't know why Brandon can't see it. You deserve so much more and better."

"A good person? Maybe. But an angel? I don't think so. As I said, it takes two people to sail or sink the relationship. I can't say that I'm totally blameless and that's okay. Mistakes are human and okay if we learn from them."

Hugging her again, I decide that it's enough of the love talk. In fact, I don't want to hear about it again. Probably because I found out another side of love that often people don't include between falling in love and living happily until death does them part.

The realization even scares me more than the fact that I think I'm falling for someone.

Because I am not ready for that.