Her Sanity

Chapter 38

Grace's pov:

"Okay then it started from my birth." I said thinking all the things that my parents had told me when I started getting my consciousness.

I moved my gaze to Joshua for the first time since we entered this room. There was genuine concern written on his face. And after Candice he will be the second one to know everything about me and I'm not uncomfortable with telling it to him. He will knew something Candice also doesn't know.

"My parents got married after the 6 years of their relationship. And in their relationship they many times have intercourse." I started telling him and he was keenly listening to me.

"They were devoted to their work and their love life they didn't wanted to have any children because they were not ready for it." I said and paused remembering how one day they told me whole things about them and me.

"But one day when Mrs. Anderson was feeling sick and she had symptoms of pregnancy. She took a pregnancy test which was positive. This news spread in the whole mansion every servant was talking about it and somehow it went to the media also. Being the famous, rich and reputative business couple everybody started congratulating my so called parents." I scoffed thinking how disappointed they were feeding inside.

But I continued to tell him "Being the news all over so they couldn't abort me and they didn't even wanted me. Our relatives started waiting for my birth and when the 9 months completed I born, Grace Anderson." I paused and looked at him he was also looking at me, he nodded telling me to continue.

"They heavy heartedly introduced me to the world and did fake celebrations to show people how much happy they are. Happy my foot! When gradually I started grewing up I needed their love and attention like a normal kid would need. But they didn't embraced me in parents love like parents do to their children. When the kids of my age where spending time with their parents I was locked in these four walls gazing out of the window, because they didn't had time for me." I said gritting my teeth.

"They were busy in their business, parties and meeting heck they didn't even asked how I am after returning home. I was given in the hands of maids and nannies to be taken care of like a piece of thing. They also never cherished me they did their work professionally cleaning me, feeding me and make me sleep. When kids if my age were being malnourished I was being starved because of the tardiness of the maids and nannies." I said remembering the time where I had to sleep hungry just because my nanny forgets to give me food.

"But when I started getting my consciousness they start telling me how much of a burden I'm on them. I'm just a mistake they did. How they are spending their extra money on me which is not in use for them. How much disgrace I'm for them. They told me I'm good for nothing. I'm only a burden which is on their shoulders to lift up. They don't care whether I eat or not, slept or not, what do I do in my life? What did I wanted? Nothing they knew nothing about me." I said feeling rage in me.

"They only admitted me in the school for their so called reputation to show the people in how good school I go for study. But they don't even know how I'm doing in my studied, how bad my grades are because I don't feel like study because why should I if nobody cares about me? For whom should I study? They don't know what I like and dislike. First I started talking about it to them but all they said was how much money do you want? For increasing your grades, for buying stuffs and all. All they think was money, money and money." I said seething out remembering all the things again.

"They never cared for me, never do things for me which a parent would do. Never asked how I am? What I want? Heck I didn't even wanted anything. I only wanted their love, care and affection was it too much to ask? That I wanted some of their time for me, was I that much selfish? When I was kid everyone would ask me where are your parents? Why they didn't come to school for parents-teachers session? Why they never shows up? What would I have said that my parents don't even consider me their daughter? They are busy I'm their so called parties?" I said suddenly feeling a storm of emotions inside me.

"Whenever there would be family get togethers or parties where they had to took me. They threw bunch of dresses on maids to make me ready. Why? Couldn't Mrs. Anderson gets me ready even for a single time like mothers do to their daughters? Choosing what is looking good on their daughter or not? Couldn't she asked me a single time what I'm doing in my life? How I'm facing my mensuration cycle, my insecurities, my anxities. Isn't it her responsibility towards her daughter? She carried me nine months in her womb right? If not Mr. Anderson doesn't she feels a little, tiny bit connected and affectionate to me?" I said questioning myself.

"Heck it hurts to feel unwanted and unaffectionate. Why they only show their fake love and concern in front of media and people why can't they show the same affection at the home. Home? This is not even a home for me I just live here because I want a roof in my head, it is only a mansion of four walls for me. Where I come daily and stay in room for whole day. Food comes to my room like daily service which isn't like eligible. I don't like to eat it so I had to throw it if I'm very much hungry then I have to swallow it." I spat.

"WAS IT MY FAULT THAT I BORN? WAS IT MY FAULT I'M A MISTAKE? WAS IT MY FAULT THAT I NEEDED LOVE AND AFFECTION? WAS IT MY FAULT THAT THEY DIDN'T WANTED ME? THEN WHY I'M THE ONE WHO IS SUFFERING HERE?" I yelled my lungs out my body shaking from rage.

"Shh calm down." he said for the first time since I'm telling about my past.

"Come here." he said opening his arms wide I hesitated first but he nodded reassuring me. I crawled to him and sat on his lap he clasped his arms around me embracing me tightly and started swaying me back and forth.

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