The Illusion

Twenty Six

The entire family had come out into the hall of an otherwise silent house. I'm guessing my full name being screamed by Pip had drawn a little attention. I'd be lying if I said I'd ever had his yelling aimed at me. I'd heard it before. Twice to be precise. Once when Isaac moved Lili in and once years and years before around the time Mimi died. I'd never been at the bad end of an angry speaking to, in his eyes I had never put a foot wrong and I didn't think I ever could. But you know what? We're burning the old Freya to the ground so why not send that image along with it?

"Can we go?" I stared at Leo, ignoring everyone else's eyes.

"You're staying here Freya with the girls." Uncle Heath spoke.

"The fuck I am." I almost laughed. "Leo I'm leaving with or without you." Dad seemed to push him through the crowd when I pulled the door open. I don't think me leaving without him was entirely an option anyone wanted. I just couldn't be here right now. I don't care where we were but in that house with Pip and Dad and whoever else knew.

We sat in the car in silence, Leo just taking the decision to get us away. My eyes stared blankly at the cream ceiling of the roof. Nothing in particular to look at but my head was so fucking busy right now, I needed something that wasn't overpowering me with stimulation just so I could breathe.

"You gotta start talking Rey." I scrunched my face up. "Who had a choice?"

"Hm?"

"That was the first thing we heard you shouting. That 'he had a fucking choice' then it went quiet, next thing we knew your full name was being shouted and everyone was in the hallway."

"I just pissed him off. First time I've done that." Leo nodded, the car returning to silence as he pulled it up on some look out over the city. We still had an hour before things started to move for tonight. That's all I had to calm myself down and clear my head. "Leo?"

"Yes beautiful."

"Are you happy? With this life." I turned in my spot, facing him. "If you could go back to the first thing that set you down this path, I don't know the first punch or the first time you killed someone or fired a gun. Whatever it was. Would you change it? If you could?" He tipped his head sideways. "Are you happy?"

"I uh- I guess?"

"I don't need guesses Leo, I need definitive right now. Yes or no."

"Yes." I nodded, turning my head back to staring at the ceiling. "Babe what's going on? You were fine when you went into that room."

"I just found something out about the family I wish they'd kept to themselves." Metal clanked beside me, Leo sighing before leaning over, pulling on my hip. "What?"

"Come sit on me."

"Leo, we're in the middle of a carpark."

"And?"

"There's people literally 8 feet away."

"Again, and? Come sit Rey, I'll move you myself if you don't." I grumbled at him, moving across to straddle him, running my fingers through the length of his hair. "Talk to me angel."

"It can wait until after."

"No, it can't Rey."

"Leo-"

"Rey. God forbid something happens in there, which is entirely possible before you say something, I need to know you had your mind clear and any doubts out there."

"It's not a doubt."

"So, it's a worry?" I sighed. "What did I tell you about worries Rey?"

"You can't make this one go away Leo."

"Then tell me so we can worry together." He countered, soft smile on his face. "Come on."

"You're going to be mad."

"It's about me?" I nodded. "Does your grandad not approve of me or something?" I let out a pathetic laugh.

"My grandad isn't just some figure head that kind of dictates amongst all my uncles and everyone. He has quite a big pull, country wide. I don't exactly know the details but it turns out he has his nose in a lot of business he probably shouldn't. My Mimi, his wife, she was a teacher in some high school. I was 8 when she died. She taught English under her maiden name because she wanted her pupils to remember her and it was rarer than Pip's surname of Parks. Miss Shackleford." His hand stopped on my leg and I began picking at the skin on my fingers, filled with something more than guilt. "Anyway, one day she got a new student who tended to get in a little trouble at school and she saw something in him that made her tell Pip. She died a few months later but she'd made Pip agree to keep an eye on that boy and he has. So, for the past 15 years, Pip has been lining up opportunities for him and essentially pushing him towards the choices that would land him out of the army, legally dead and in need of a job. Pip then passed the kids name to my Dad, who put him through all his stupid fucking tests and then that kid saved his daughter." I don't think that made any sense. Shaking, I looked up to find Leo staring at me. "Apparently you've been working for him since she died. Every job you've had, he's gotten you and has been the one passing down your orders. I'm guessing he was the one who pushed you to leave the army because he was the one who got you working with the girls, he sent my Dad after you, he told my Dad what you can do. That's why it's been so easy for him to let you in so quickly, because Pip's been the one you've been reporting to all along."

"Your grandma was Robin Shackleford?" I nodded. "Fucking Jesus." His head smacked back into the headrest.

"I'm sorry Leo. I swear I didn't know. He's been fucking deciding your life for you since you were a literal child. Like you're a robot who doesn't get a choice. It's just-"

"Hey, woah. Okay, Rey-" He pulled me into him. "Didn't I just tell you I was happy? I wouldn't change a damn thing, my choice or not. Whatever it was that I had to do to get here, got me here. It got me sat in this car with you. At the end of the day Rey, my relationship with you, that was my choice. Has anyone told you that you have to fall in love with me?"

"No."

"No one's told me. In fact, I was told to not lay a finger on you so if anything, I'm 100% going against what they were telling me to do. I decided to kiss you Rey. I decided to put my hands on you, I decided to train you, to read with you, to sit with you when you have nightmares, to bring you into my room. All of that was me. How I got here, to you so I could make those decisions so I could have you. That's neither here nor there."

"But-"

"I am happy Rey. I wouldn't change a single thing. Not one freckle on your skin, not one gunshot wound, not one night sleeping in a cardboard box in an alley way, pissing wet through. Not a damn thing."

"You're not mad?"

"I'm a little pissed at your grandad but that's on him not you." I laid my head into the crook of his neck, pulling his arms around my back so I was surrounded in him again. "So, Eden's your middle name?"

"Did you not know that?"

"No." He chuckled. "I loved your Grandma you know? My favourite teacher."

"What was she like?"

"You don't know?"

"I don't really remember her too much."

"She looked similar to you. You both have the same eyes."

"Really?" He nodded.

"Light green with a dark green edge. Sometimes they're more blue, depending on what mood you're in. If you're sad they're more blue. They've been really blue the last few days. When you're worried, they're grey, like clouds when It's about to thunder. She was almost always worried. But there was once or twice I remember her eyes being green. The last time I saw her they were green. I handed her a test I'd done with her in detention and she graded it. I got full marks and she told me I was going to go on to do great things." I sniffed. "I think saving her granddaughter and falling in love with her counts as great things don't you?"