Twice in a Lifetime (Criminal Minds)

Delving Deep

The interview was harder than they expected. Morgan found it increasingly difficult to ask the questions as the pain in Reid's eyes grew. Often Morgan would stop and asked Reid if he wanted to continue but he wouldn't stop. He was determined to help. Morgan had to give him credit. After all he'd been through.

Morgan didn't think he himself would have been able to explain what had happened in as thorough detail as Reid. Despite the situation Morgan found himself proud to call Reid his surrogate brother.

"Reid that's all the info I need. You did good kid."

"Thanks. It feels good to get it all out." Reid yawned loudly and rubbed his eyes.

"Reid get some sleep. I'll come back later. There will always be a police officer outside your door to protect you incase the partner decides to come after you." Reid nodded and kept himself from saying that he didn't need to be babysat. He knew they would never agree to him having no protection.

"I'll go with you, as much as I want to stay my computers are at the police station and I will have much better luck with them," Garcia said standing up. She walked over Reid and gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, "I'll be back later."

"Bye," Reid whispered before closing his eyes.

Morgan and Garcia stood and watched him sleep for a moment before quietly leaving the room.

Upon hearing the door click closed Reid opened his eyes and looked around the room making sure he was alone. He beathed a sigh of relief at the sight of an empty room. 

He didn't want to trick them into leaving but he needed time to think and he could't do that with them watching his every move.

He sat staring at the ceiling thinking thoughts that scared him more than anything.

He thought about his drug addiction and what would happen if he got hooked again. I don't have any left, but i'm sure I can find some somewhere... Don't think like that!

He thought about his mother and what would have happened to her had he died. Who would pay for her hospital bills? Im all she has, would she be able to live without me?... Stop it! Your mother is strong she would be able to deal with it. 

He thought about what could have happened to Henry. He could have been killed. J.J. never would have been able to forgive me. I never would have been able to forgive myself... I can't forgive myslef.

All these things made him want to cry. But he didn't. He didn't let a single tear fall because that would mean giving up.

On himself.

On his mother.

On Henry.

He had to stay strong,

for himself,

for his mother,

for Henry,

for his team,

and the only way to do that was to not give in to his emotions. 

At that moment he decided he was not going to give in. He was going to keep his head up and keep close to the team. He wasn't going to drift away like last time. He was going to let them help him. 

And for the first time in a while he was calm.

Until he heard a cry of pain and what sounded like a body hitting the floor outside his room.