FOR HIM [Lando Norris] ~ Gridlock Series Stand Alone ~

The First Year Is Always The Hardest

EVELYN

One year since you've left and nothing about this has gotten any easier.
I'm missing parts of you I wasn't even aware of when you were in front of me, and every single memory is ripping through me, sharp ended, never ending.
I look at our boy, my god he looks like you. I find myself watching him and only seeing you. I just know you'd be so proud.
Being that today is the day you left this world, the influx of messages and thoughts have been flooding in since the day broke. But today is no different than the other 364 I've spent searching for some relief in the wound in my chest. The part of my life that was torn when you left.
They keep telling me that time heals all wounds, but I don't agree, I don't understand the phrase. Each day you're gone doesn't get easier, it's more excruciating than the one before, it's one more day you're not here and nothing about that has been easy.
I'm scared I'll miss you forever.
I'm scared that it's always going to hurt this much.
When I spoke those words 364 days ago, they told me it'll get easier.
But I'm still waiting Lando.
It's not getting easier.
I can't fix this.
I can't bring you back
And I can't live without you.
But what pains me most, is I have too.
For him.

"Do you want me to take him for a bit? Give you some space?" Charles offers as we walk back through the apartment doors, having just spent the best part of the day settled by your grave.

I shake my head, my eyes burning, begging for more tears to lubricate them but I feel all dried up.

"Do you want anything to eat? Or drink?" He continues, placing our bags down on the kitchen bench as I carry Landon toward his room.

"No, it's okay" I mumble dryly.

I hear his phone buzzing in his pocket, just as it had done on the way up to the apartment, but his hands were too full to answer.

I place Landon down, closing the door gently as I hear his breath hitch, signally the start of his dreams. I wonder if Lando visits him in his dreams like he does in mine? I hope that he would.

As I make my way back into the kitchen, I tug the elastic from the end of my braid and run my fingers through my hair, losing it from its place. Charles is looking down at his phone, frustrated.

"Everything okay?" I ask.

He gazes up at me before locking his phone and slipping it into his back pocket, "yeah it's all fine" he plays off, yet I see straight through him.

"What was Charlotte doing today?" I ask, settling myself down on the couch, my legs coming straight up onto the coffee table.

Charlotte and Charles had only just recently begun seeing each other. Apparently she knew Lando, and there was a time she knew me as well. I had flashbacks of a time with her but not significant enough to stand out.

"She's umm.." he fiddles, placing himself down on the couch next to me and mirroring my relaxed position, "she's at her sisters wedding in Nice"

"Oh" I gush, "she didn't invite you?"

"She did" he admits, his head hanging low. "I guess I kind of forgot it was this weekend"

"Charles!" I gasp. "What the hell?"

"It's fine" he shakes his head off, "I needed to be here"