The Devil's in the Details | girlxgirl

The stars in your eyes shined brighter

The first thing that greeted August the Monday after she met with Amelia was a link from Jules.

August was a bit hesitant in opening the link given the several suggestive emojis that preceded the link itself, but she nevertheless tapped on it out of curiosity. To her pleasant surprise, it was a photograph of Amelia with her hand on her chest and an oh so adorable smile on her face. It was a scene that August unfortunately missed out on as she was already driving out of the parking lot.

She was well aware of the blurring of the line between play pretend and genuine displays of affection. The delicate intertwining of the two made the task of distinguishing impossible. August couldn't really be bothered to, regardless.

Within a minute of scrolling through the social media platform, she was reminded of why she preferred to stay away from it. Apparently, Natalia released a new album the day before and everyone on her timeline was talking about it. And really, August knew not to involve herself further in what is already the past as surely, Natalia would make references about their time together, which would leave her displeased but alas, the temptation was too strong, pulling her to the music platform that hosted the album.

August's finger hovered for a while on the play button but ultimately tapped on it, admittedly a poor demonstration of self-control.

The decision did turn out to be a terrible one as it left August rolling her eyes and scoffing at how the narrative always painted her ex as the victim, which often caused strangers to come at her with pitchforks as though it was a personal attack to their very own being. A terrible waste of empathy.

True to her suspicions, her mentions were filled with animosity.

When have songs become the truth anyway?

Going into relationships was always a gamble and for the most part, August was glad to partake in it. This was just one of those risks that did not pay of. She couldn't even write a song out of it unlike her ex.

At the core of it all, she really just wanted someone to care for her. Someone who she'll know will stay the same come what may. A constant. But that was too much to ask for, and August knew this.

And so the barest hint of affection felt like a million I love yous to her. It shouldn't be, but it is. That's the thing with people who haven't been loved much, they find it in the narrowest of crevices, would pry it open with their bare hands.

When August thinks about it, the desperateness of it seemed pathetic, but if it proved that she's not unlovable, did it really matter?

But somewhere along the way of taking crumbs of affection, she notices herself getting greedy. Intertwined hands swinging, the open exchange of a look of fondness, the easy smiles that come with the feeling of security. August would look on, ever so silent in her longing.

Ultimately, it was this greed that pushed August to the realization that her wants have changed, and while she would prefer for it to be met by her then lover, Natalia was just not willing to provide more than what she initially offered.

The weeks leading up to their separation was not the prettiest—broken glasses on the floor, raised voices, smashed phones, and a cut on the forehead—so much violence only for it to end with a soft whisper of, "I love you, but I don't think I like you anymore."

Those days didn't make it to Natalia's songs. Those days were irrevocably ugly that it simply can never be translated into a flowery language. For this reason, it remains between the two of them.

Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter. Thus, for now, August chose to sit in silence, a common theme all throughout her relationship with Natalia.