Eclipse Series #1: Lost in Love

2

Kuya Leo? Is that really him?

I avoided the figure in the crowd and just continued with our performance. The show went well as we had so much fun with the fans. May isang fan pa nga na nagbato samin ng bouquet of flowers na nagamit namin as a prop for our next performance.

After the concert, we went backstage to leave.  While packing, my manager came and told me that I have a visitor. When the man walked in, I realized it was Kuya Leo. Austin Leo Moran. 

He opened his arm as if gesturing me to come and hug him so I did

"Kuya Leo!!" I exclaimed as I ran to him.

"I missed you, kamusta ka na?" I asked him.

"Okay lang naman," he replied. I smiled at that.

"But how are you, Cazi?" he asked me.

"I'm fi-" I was cut off from what I was saying when he talked.

"You know what I mean about my question, Caz. How are you?" he said.

I was taken aback by what he said. How am I? Funny how I don't know how to answer.

"We're still here, you know?" he said, as he realized that I was silent. "Alam kong masakit para sa'yo ang aksidente ni Lew and I'm not here to judge you. Nandito ako para ipaalala na nandito pa rin kami. You don't have to go through this alone. " he added.

"I was observing you kanina. I saw how you look at that guy you were singing with," he said.

"Si Tristan? What about him?" I asked.

"I noticed how you look at him, Caz. You're scared," he said.

"Kuya, I'm not scared of him," I said.

"That's not what I mean. You're scared to love him back when he's clearly in love with you. I know you, Caz. The past is still haunting you, doesn't it?" he asked which made my lips agape.

The tears that I have kept for so long suddenly flowed down my cheeks.

He hugged me once again as he noticed my tears. 

"I'm just confused. It feels like I'm cheating on Lewis when I look at Tris and I don't like that feeling. Kasi kahit anong gawin ko, I still get deja vu everytime he's near me." I sobbed.

"Shh... It's fine. I'm sure if Lewis finds out about this, he'll want you to free yourself from him. Don't be scared, Caz." he assured me. 

Parang gumaan yung balikat ko nung sinabi ko sa kanya ang lahat. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na meron kang karamay. 

Our parents are friends since High School and decided to live in one place which made us close too. We basically grew up together. Kuya Leo had always been there for me ever since we were kids that's why talking to him made me emotional because he knows me too well. 

Pero may kulang pa rin. 

Kahit nasabi ko na kay Kuya yung nararamdaman ko, parang may kulang pa rin. 

After we talked, we decided to take a walk by the bay. Doon din kasi yung tambayan naming magto tropa noon. Pinilit ko yung manager ko na sumama muna kay Kuya at pumayag naman siya.

"Do you ever wish na buo pa rin tayo?" I suddenly asked.

"Oo naman," he replied.

"How do you cope with the memories then?" I asked again.

"It's just accepting, Caz. Kung tanggap mo na ang isang bagay, hindi ka na masyadong masasaktan pa." he answered. "Pero kahit tanggap mo na, hindi naman masama na umasa pa rin. Kasi you guys were a part of me na eh. I was the eldest and I loved you guys. Pero, we have to grow up and soon grow apart." 

I realized a lot of things from what he said. 

I realized that even though I tell everyone I moved on, I'm still not. 

I realized na kahit mahalaga sa inyo ang friendship niyo, magkakalayo pa rin kayo. Because you have your own lives at hindi mo hawak ang sa kanila.

I realized that accepting is truly the key to move on and be free. 

But something in me wishes that things will come back to the way it was. 

Someday. Maybe.