All that we have

Four

June

Nate

I was startled awake by the closing of the front door. As consciousness reached me, I remembered falling asleep on the couch sometime in the early hour of the morning with Riley in my arms. He was crying again last night and Jess refused to get up for him as always, so I did. I gave him some baby panadol to calm his teething pain and we lay on the couch together until we both drifted to sleep.

The closing of the front door must have woken him up too, because he lay on my chest looking up at me, more than likely ready for breakfast. I stared down to his grey, slowly turning brown eyes and saw nothing but love. This kid was my absolute everything. Being a dad is something I always wanted and it's better than I could have imagined. I would love to have more kids, give Riley a couple of brothers or sisters, but Jess doesn't want that.

Believe it or not, we did discuss it before we got married. She knew my feelings on having a big family, she agreed it was what she wanted too. As soon as she fell pregnant, she told me this was it. She was never doing it again. She didn't have a particularly difficult pregnancy, no morning sickness or issues, Riley was healthy the whole time and she didn't even put on any extra weight. She just hated the whole thing and vowed never to do it again. So I poured everything into loving Riley if he was the only child I would get to have.

"Hey buddy, looks like mums gone. Just you and me for breaky," I booped him on the nose and watched his face crinkle as he let out my favourite sound yet, his giggle. He was such a happy kid, except when his teeth hurt him during the night. "What do you say we have some toast and get you to daycare so daddy can go to work?"

As far as parenting went, where no day was really normal anymore, that day started as normal as they got. It wasn't unusual that Jess left early, it wasn't unusual that I woke up on the couch with Riley in my arms or got him ready for daycare alone. I always picked him up too. Jess worked longer hours than me, which I had begun to suspect was on purpose.

I'd get home with Riley, prepare dinner, bath him and most of the time be putting him to sleep when Jess would get home. I worried she was missing out on so many moments with Riley, but whenever I brought it up she said she really didn't mind. It broke my heart for my son that his mother seemed uninterested in actually mothering him. It also meant I worked double time at the parenting to try to make up for it.

That night was different.

I picked Riley up as normal and we drove home with the wiggles playing through the car speakers. When we got home though, Jess's car was in the driveway. "Looks like mummy is home tonight buddy, how good is that?"

Obviously Riley didn't reply and I'm pretty sure the random sounds he made were because of the songs playing and not at all in response to me talking to him. It never stopped me though.

I pulled into the garage beside Jess's car and proceeded to gather Riley and his nappy bag, along with my work stuff. I'd been out quoting jobs today and had a bit of work to do tonight to get back to possible clients, needing to schedule those jobs in around Riley. I was a plumber by trade, but over the years I started to specialise in kitchen renovations and had now built a team of guys who together we could cover off all aspects of building kitchens. I was trying to move off the tools completely though figuring I could manage the books and delegate the jobs to my team, meaning I can be with Riley more. I was also looking to expand the administration side with an app idea I had. But it was just a bit of a dream at the moment.