Inner Voice

22 - I wish I was him.

"Mom, are you feeling alright?" Sarang asked her mom who was eating the food she had made for her.

Her mom was admitted to the hospital for treatment and Sarang has been staying with her mom ever since the day her dad told her about her mom's condition.

Sarang took a week leave from school to take care of her mom, she never left her side for the past 3 days and, although it was reassuring for Sarang's mother to have her daughter by her side all the time, it also made her really worried about her.

Sarang barely eats and it feels as if she has become a completely different person, she only speaks when necessary and rarely smiles.

Sarang spent her nights crying alone in one corner of the room, blaming herself for everything that happened, she was over burdened with guilt and her inner voice, that took control of her mind and made her life a living hell was back and it was stronger than ever.

She feels like giving up on life every time her mom groans in pain and the doctor rushes to their room, she would have already given up had it not been for her friends who gave her the support and comfort she needed.

She was barely hanging onto that string of hope her friends gave her, she had been trying her best to make her mother happy before her time is up.

She had thought long and hard about what would happen to her if her mom left her, what would happen to her of she lost the only family she got? what would happen to her if she lost the person who gave her her everything? what would happen to her if she lost the person who sacrificed her everything for her?

It was driving her mad, the fact that her mom only had only three months to live was driving her crazy.

She was in distress and everyone could notice it by the way she behaves.

"You should also eat Sarang" Her mom stated, her voice sounding coarse as she coughed.

Sarang immediately stood up and gave her some water to drink and gently patted her back.

"I'll eat later mom, I'm not hungry" Sarang responded, giving her a smile, although she feels like crying every time she sees her mom.

She always pretended to be tough in front of her mom so that she doesn't get worried or sad.

But, her mother was aware of everything, she knows that she had been secretly crying in the bathroom, she had noticed the change in her behavior and she had also seen her blanking out most of the time, and it worried her alot.

"You should listen to your mother Sarang" Heesung came into the room, carrying a bunch of snacks with him.

Heesung and the others have been taking turns visiting her, they visit her daily to make sure she doesn't feel lonely and sad.

Heesung has been visiting her ever since the day he heard that Sarang's mom was in the hospital and has been taking care of her, he makes sure that she eats her meals, he makes her smile even when she doesn't want to,  he wipes her tears when no one else does and he gives her the comfort that she needs.

She was grateful and apologetic towards him, she was grateful towards him for always taking care of her, always being there for her when she needs him and apologetic for always troubling him, for always being a burden to him.

"You should eat Sarang" Jay added, coming into the room.

Jay has also been frequently visiting her whenever he could, both Jay and Heesung would bring her the notes that they took in the classroom and bring it to her so she doesn't have a hard time catching up with them when she returns to school.