𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏 𝐘𝐎𝐔 || 𝐃𝐃 𝐗 𝐃𝐃𝐎𝐓

𝟎𝟎𝟏

.・゜゜・ 𝟏𝟑/𝟗

unfair - by the neighborhood

DARRIAN.

seven letters, it couldn't be easier. i learned to write the name at the age of five. nothing special, just seven letters. names in general are nothing special, we only get them as soon as we are born.

born into a life without having asked for a life, gets a name without asking for one. then we develop and learn words, learn what is what, what is bad and what is good. everything should be taken seriously, but not be too serious.

emotions swallow you whole, if you aren't emotionally cold. people want to be like that now— in the past, cold, but why really? don't they know that emotions are only human? we don't ask for them, yet they are there, like almost everything in life.

i want to live slowly, appreciate everything, but i usually forget that. it happens when time wants to go fast, run away, it does so even though i ask it again and again to take it easy. it's like being drunk on running, but i kind of don't have time.

however, i have the same shortcoming as time, that i can't stay either. i'm drowned in all my thoughts, there's not much that can make them stop. maybe somewhere the time is sitting and asking me to take it easy back.

i open the window and stick my feet out gently on the window sill, it is cold and makes the goosebumps flock up my bare legs. the late september breeze hits my cheek.

i reach back for the lighter i put just behind me, careful not to fall. the blunt already lying between my chapped lips is soon lit, and i take a puff as i look out at the landscape that spreads outside my family's house.

i want nothing more right now than to take a leap and jump down on the wet grass below the window and just run out into the night. but it wouldn't work, it's not what people expect of me, not even what i expect of myself.

what would my parents say? what would they say at school? they would talk, about me, about the boy 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐫𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤.

i take another flare, let the thought disappear. the weed should calm me down, i don't know if i really feel it. i smoke often way to much.

i do everything possible really to feel calm, alleviate the constant panic anxiety that fills the hole in my chest with something. if it's not that i go and drink liquor in the cupboard under the pantry, it's that i'm trying to smoke myself high.

ł ₣ł₦đ ₳₦ӿłɇ₮ɏ ł₦ ɇvɇɽɏ₮ⱨł₦₲, ł₦ ɇvɇɽɏ ₴ł₮ʉ₳₮łø₦. ł'₥ jʉ₴₮ ₮ɽɏł₦₲ ₮ø ₱ʉ₮ ł₮ ₳₩₳ɏ.

there was a time when it wasn't, but now it has gone a little overboard. they give me medication, it don't work. therefore, i instead look for these unhealthy habits that don't work any further in the long run.

a𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 i 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮. it 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐮𝐬.