SONDER

𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧

SEASON TWO, EPISODE FIFTEEN:
THROUGH THE WIRE

AMARU chisholm

I pretend to still be sleep, but the sound of the machines around me makes me come to the realization that I wasn't.

I hate that I have to keep putting everybody through this, especially since everybody thought I was getting better, but I didn't feel like I needed to do this anymore.

It would hurt to leave Aniyah, but I feel like I showed her that I loved her enough, so at least when I go, she won't be thinking she was the reason. Hopefully she'll just realize I genuinely couldn't take it anymore.

Because she's the last person whose fault it would be.

I really thought it was going to work this time, though. That's why I was writing all those letters. I had it all planned out, I just knew it was going to go the way I expected.

Thought wrong, though.

Deciding to suck it up, I open my eyes slowly, taking a quick look around the room. I had noticed the nurse and Aniyah, who was in a chair next to my bed with her head laid on my lap, my right hand intertwined with hers.

"Glad to see that you're awake, Amari." The nurse smiles.

"Amaru, like Tupac." I say to her. She nods her head.

"Ah, yes. My apologies, sweetheart. I saw the first four letters and ran with it." She finishes up checking whatever it is that she was checking. "Your mother should be back soon. She went out to grab something I believe is what she was telling the young lady when I was last up here."

"Okay." I speak lowly. "Thanks."

"Mhm." She hums, staring over at Aniyah. "Girlfriend?"

"Yeah."

"Our visiting hours start at seven in the morning," She begins to speak once again. "She's been here since seven o' one. Every time I've come to the room she's been in the same chair. I don't even think she's eaten today. I'm sure when she wakes up she'll be extremely happy. Seems like a sweet girl."

"She's the sweetest." I say, admiring her beauty as she slept.

"Well, I'll head out now. In about an hour or two I will be back to make sure everything's fine."

I nod as she heads out of the room. I wait about a minute or two before nudging Aniyah, waking her up almost instantly. "Hmm? Is he-" She paused her sentence and just stared at me. Her facial expression going from worried to disappointed.

"Hey.."

She shakes her head. "You don't understand how mad I am at you."

"Baby, listen," I get ready to just tell her a whole bunch of bullshit and beat around the bush.

"Don't 'baby' me. What if you would've killed yourself? Huh? Then what?"

That was the plan.

"You really piss me off. I am literally so mad at you I could throw a house at your face and not think twice about it." She stares into my eyes, soon leaning in to me and putting her forehead against mine. "But I am so happy that you're still here."

Her saying that had made me feel guilty. She was happy that I was here, so imagine if it would have gone how I planned.

"I love you so much, Mari. I can't do this without you," She says as her voice begins to crack. "I just don't understand why you keep doing this, I thought you were doing better."