The drive to his house was quiet. He just grunted and sighed most of the time. He led me to his room and once I was inside he locked the door behind him. He walked over to the bed and put his head in his hands. I crossed my arms and turned away from him. After a minute I sighed and sat next to him. He picks up his head and looks forward at the wall. "We're not leaving this room until you're done being mad at me." He said. I laughed hysterically. I know he is serious because his fear has come true and he wants it to go away just like that. I stood up and turned to him with my arms crossed.
"Then I guess we're not leaving the room." I said. He looked up at me.
"Just stop being mad at me." He said.
"No. It's not that easy Jungkook. I'm not one of your men that boss around and get what you want.
Life isn't fair. You don't get everything you want Jungkook" And I'm not just gonna stop being mad at you without you giving me a reason as to why you never called or texted or visited until today." I said. I sat on the chair closest to the bathroom right across from him. He runs his hands through his hair.
"I can't give you that." He said.
"Why, not?" I asked.
"Because there is no reason." My heart aches at the thought of him not wanting anything to do with me. He sighs and turns his head. "Jen, I have no reason or excuse ok? Just I figured that you were way better off without me and this lifestyle. Honestly, Jen, my father is out for blood because of my actions, not yours. I didn't and still don't want you in the middle because I couldn't walk away. Do you really want to raise a child where you're always looking over your shoulder wondering when the next act is gonna be? Or when an enemy is gonna use our son or daughter as a way of getting to you because you have a weakness?" He asked. I was stunned. I stood up.
"Yes. I wouldn't mind all this because I would be with you." I said. He shook his head.
"Are you crazy? I can't do that to you. What if we were to have a kid? Jen? Have you thought about what my enemies might do to it? What sick games would they play?" His eyes searched mine and I turned my head afraid he could read my thoughts. "I love you Jen. Which is why I'm letting you go. My kind of love is dangerous and I refuse to let you endure the pain that will come from loving me back." He said. I gulp.
"Now you tell me?" I mumbled. He gives me a confused look and I turn away. He turned me to face him. Tears slid down willingly. "How are you going to force me to be in your life and then push me out of it when I have grown attached?
How are you gonna make me fall in love with you then tell me loving you can get me killed?
How are you expecting me to be okay with this?
How can you demand me not to love you?" I yelled hitting his chest. He sat there taking each of my hits while tears rained out of my eyes.
"I'm sorry Jen!" He whispered as I clasped in his touch as I gasped for air.
"You can't make me leave. You can't make me not love you." I cried. He held me tighter to his chest and his heart raced as if he were scared.
"I don't want to make you do anything. I want to be with you forever but this is the best way I know you'll be safe." He said. I felt the anger and hurt build up inside my chest and I pushed on his chest and ripped out of his grasp.
"Fuck you! I hate you!" I yelled. He didn't show any emotion even though I could tell he wanted to. "You shouldn't have brought me into your world if you planned on breaking me. Is this what you wanted? To make me fall in love with you just so you could watch me break from the inside out?" He opened his mouth to protest but closed it. I shake my head and let out a dry laugh. "You are no different than your father."
Still no emotion showed on his face and that wasn't good enough. I wanted to hurt him.
Make him wish he didn't say these things. I wanted to make him wish he didn't force me to be in his life. I grabbed my phone off the bed and walked towards the door. "Stay away from me and my baby." I mumbled. On my way out I turned to see his reactions change into realization.
