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Chapter 5 - Serotonin depletion

Fiza's hands trembled as she had stepped off the stage. She had felt ill-prepared. Until Alan had begun strumming, she had been fully prepared to sing 'Happy Together.' Fiza valued being prepared and feeling ready. Her anger towards Alan grew. It was one thing to indulge in drinking or smoking when everyone was enjoying themselves, but it was an entirely different matter when it hindered one from fulfilling their responsibilities.

Her heart was still hammering in her chest when they announced the winners. The only category their team had won was the duet. They had won second place.

Her teammates congratulated her, while Abhishek approached Fiza and remarked, "You pulled it off, in spite of him."

Alan had vanished once again, but this time Fiza didn't go searching for him. It was his turn to make an effort and find her.

She messaged Neha who responded saying, "You know, this is the first time we've actually won something in music. It's usually just about having fun and taking a break."

They walked together back to the hostel. Upon entering their room, they discovered a peculiar-looking bug on the mattress, resembling a large cockroach. Google Lens identified it as 'Diplonychus rusticus', confirming its unpleasant nature. To add to their misery, there was a centipede in the shared toilet.

Hesitantly, they changed into comfortable clothes and headed to the Community Center for the night.

Neha spoke to Koushik, who gestured towards the rolled-up floor mattresses in the far corner of the room. The two of them picked up their mattresses and laid them out on the floor. Fiza instinctively dropped to her knees to search for bugs.

Laughter echoed through the air, and Fiza recognized Alan's laugh. She was still angry with him, but for some reason, she felt a sense of relief just knowing that he was there.

She turned to face him, only to see one of their classmates, Mownika, a foreign national, clinging to his arm. Fiza had momentarily forgotten that Mownika had accompanied them to Pondicherry as she had taken a flight there instead of traveling by bus.

Mownika was part of the fashion show team and had chosen to stay in a nearby hotel. She giggled and revealed, "Alan is replacing Nithin for the fashion show."

Fiza had no idea who Nithin was and asked, "What happened to him?"

"Oh, he got into a fight and got banned from campus," Mownika explained casually.

Fiza responded with a surprised "Oh!" She glanced at Alan, but words failed her. She swallowed nervously unable to make out what the dynamic was between him and Mownika.

"Alan just needs to grab his things before we head to my room," Mownika continued.

Alan appeared irritated, taking a puff from his joint and his brow smoothened. He didn't utter a word to Fiza. Fiza realized her mouth was agape and closed it.

The room buzzed with noise, but the cacophony in her mind drowned it all out. He's a reckless person, she thought. He didn't hold the same values as her. Did that mean he was a bad person? What was she doing?

In her eyes, someone was only truly bad if they lied, cheated, stole, or intentionally caused harm to others. Hurting oneself didn't necessarily make someone bad; it meant that they needed help.

Fiza didn't know when she finally succumbed to sleep amidst the chaos. But upon waking up, she felt the weight of a heavy arm on her, just below her waist, and a head resting on her shoulder. In panic, she took a few deep breaths before realizing it was Alan. Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to feel his strong arm wrapped around her waist, his hand positioned just below her breast, and his forehead against her shoulder.