A Devious Exchange

Guilt, Trust, and Little White Lies

"It was bound to happen."

Miook murmured just under his breath, his fingers combing through his hair as he sat across from me. The fire's embers burned dim amongst the moist cavern, casting two lone shadows, crumpled and shaking, against the rough floor. I felt my teeth chatter as I wiped my nose again, the cold seeping to its end. His damp coat clung to my shoulders and wrapped around me, shielding away my translucent clothes as well as providing some sense of comfort. I liked how it concealed me from the cavern's gloomy ambiance; but it did little to hide me from the day's misfortunes.

The Demigod attacked.

I nearly drowned.

Atticus was shot.

It was all so much to take in. To top it off, we were now... alone. Truly alone. The tunnel led to numerous forks and passageways that led us lost and defeated, both afraid to raise our voices to plea for help. I wasn't quite sure if any familiarity would respond back, likely either dead in a trench or buried deep in the waters. It made my head pound, and eyes glance wearily along our surroundings. If I was being honest with myself, I was frightened. Will we be forever stuck down here?

"We can't change the past, Jo. It is what it is." He grumbled again. Though I can tell he was trying to be uplifting... I knew he felt the same way. He looked like he'd been run-ragged. Blood crusted his temple, scratches littered his arms, and he shook like a leaf against the dusty rocks. His fingertips and lips were dusted a pale color, and I could see his jaw tick as he clenched his teeth. He recklessly threw his undershirt to his pack, both now littered with holes and tears, and irreversible stains that miraged splattered dyes. He was frustrated to say the least.

"I know, it just... shook me up is all." I whispered, looking down at the muddy ground in front of me. I opted to take my boots and socks off like Miook in an attempt to dry them out, thought I wasn't going to remove my top as well. He had nothing apart from his trousers and the small fire between us to keep his internal drive alive. I felt guilty about taking his coat.

"A man dying?" He scoffed, the fire crackling as he poked at it again.

I flinched as a stray ash nearly landed against my bare foot, shifting backwards quickly. "Not that. I've seen many people die. My own father passed in front of me on his bed. It's the guilt, Miook."

He shuffled uncomfortably in front of me, a tantalizing silence taking root. Clearing his throat, he muttered pointedly, "Guilt will eat a man till he is nothing but his own skeleton. Your best to just forget about what happened with- well, everything."

I widened my eyes in disbelief, tilting my chin up to look at him directly, "Forget about it? Don't you realize that this entire quest is already unforgettable. How can you forget about the snake? Or-or even almost dying numerous times? That scars you for life." I nearly rose my voice at the end, just staring at his unchanging expression.

He shook his head slowly, dismissive, "I know. But revisiting it ain't going to make it better."

I felt the rise and fall of my chest at that. Perhaps he was somewhat right. To forget it all... but how is one to accomplish such a feat?

"I hear what you're saying, it's just-hard to simply forget without some sort of terror, or guilt, not blanching me."

He didn't respond after that, opting to dig in his bag for the second time. Even as the light of the fire and conversation dwindled, I tried. I tried to forget. And as I lied down on the cold, uneven ground, I squinted my eyes shut tightly. The fire's pelting shadows behind my eyelids never ceased their torment, perhaps reminding me of the very same light of a long-gone lantern, buried deep in the trenches with a certain company...