𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐃𝐞𝐰

Pull The String

A/N: I swear I don't usually do these, I'm just hopping in here to let you know that there will be mentions of past eating disorders and depictions of self harm. I have gone through (and am currently going through) both of these things, so I will base it off of my own experiences. Everyone's experience with these things is different, so please don't tell me that the way I choose to depict it (based on my own life) is "wrong" or "incorrect", as it is extremely disrespectful. This chapter also contains past abusive relationships.

Blood bubbled up around the blade as Phantom dragged it over the skin of his thigh. The pain in his head lightened, but only slightly. The urge to make another clean cut was nearly overwhelming, but before he could he heard Mountain's voice in the hallway, looking for him.

Why would anybody look for him unless they were told to?

A knock on the door startled Phantom, and he quickly shoved his long pants back into place and hid the blade he'd been using. "Yeah?" Damn it, his voice was as shaky as he was afraid of it being.

"Phantom?" Mountain seemed worried. Fuck. "Can I come in?"

Phantom must have waited too long to answer, staring around the room to make sure nothing was amiss. His gaze shot over the floor, his clothes, and finally settled on his hands.

Mountain knocked again, and it didn't seem like he was going to leave any time soon. "Phantom, if you don't respond I'm going to barge in here, so you better have clothes on."

Shit, there was dried blood crusted over his fingers. He tried his best to wipe it off on his shirt, and shakily told Mountain he could come in.

"Phantom are you—" his words were cut off as Mountain took in the dried blood on his hands, and the tiny bit that had leaked through Phantom's jeans and stained the fabric and dark red. "Wh. . . Are- Phantom, are you okay?"

The younger ghoul started pacing, unable to keep his hands still. "I'm fine, it's fine, have you found Sodo yet?"

"Phantom," his voice was soft, gentle, like he was calming a wild animal. "Sodo's safe, we checked the pit and the roof, and we've collected all of the medicines, drugs, and sharp objects. I was on my way in here to check and see if you had any."

"That's good, I- I don't. Uh. . . Except for a few um. . . Knives. But I don't think Sodo would come- would come in here."

"Phantom, love, you're shaking, are you okay?"

Love? Phantom's heart warmed unbidden. "I'm fine," he realized it sounded harsher than he'd meant it to and he revised his statement. "It's fine, it doesn't matter right now, we just- we just need to find Sodo."

"Can I hug you?" Mountain took an uncertain step forward, still staying a safe distance away. While Dew or Swiss needed to be close to someone when he was panicking, Rain just needed comforting words and a presence in the room with him. Mountain had no idea about Phantom's needs.

"No!" Phantom frantically shook his head, stepping back with a cornered look in his eye. "I'm- I'm sorry, pl—"

"It's okay, Phantom, you don't need to apologize."

"You're not mad?" It was wrong, all wrong. This wasn't how it went, this was never how it went. Why wasn't he mad? Was he hiding it? He was going to blow up later and it would be all his fault. And Phantom would be forced to resort to the one thing he knew how to do. Take the fucking punches.

"You're fucking useless, you know that? I don't know why I ever believed you could be something." Hands around his throat, strong arms caging him in, it was too much. Phantom struggled to escape his grasp. "I oughta cut your fucking tail off and file down your horns. Then you'll look as pathetic as you are."

"P-please, I—" Phantom managed to gasp out against the constrictive grasp against his windpipe.

"You what?" He sneered. When he noticed Phantom's useless clawing against his hand he laughed. "Aww, poor baby can't breathe? You brought this upon yourself. So fucking take it."

"I d—" Phantom sucked in a breath when his partner temporarily loosened his hold. A small mercy. "I d-didn't. And I'm not- I'm not a baby!"

In an instant, Phantom was flat on his back on the ground, both of his partner's hands on his throat. "Never. Fucking. Disrespect me. Again. Understand?"

Phantom did his best to nod without further strangling himself. When he was able to breathe again, he apologized desperately, mistaking the sharp claws against his cheeks and painful tugs of his hair for affection and love.

"Woah, buddy, are you okay?" Phantom was vaguely aware of Mountain shaking him by the shoulders. He was swaying on his feet and shaking. Pathetic. His hands were on his shoulders. His hands. His hands. He flinched away, preparing for a slap or spittle-soaked words.

"Please," Phantom sobbed, mentally scolding himself. Weak. Pathetic.

Mountain stepped backward hastily, giving the smaller ghoul room to calm his panicked breathing. "Please what? What happened?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," Phantom curled into himself on the floor, using his arms to cover as much of himself as he could. Coward. "Please don't hurt me."

Shit. He always hated Phantom's pleading. Mistake, mistake, mistake. "I'm sorry, please don't be mad—"

"Phantom," now Mountain was close to panic. He didn't know what to do, and nothing he was saying seemed to be getting through to his pack-mate. He heard someone knock on the door, and watched as Phantom visibly flinched, becoming even tighter of a ball if that was possible.

Making a snap decision, Mountain opened the door, relieved to see Rain. He was the best equipped of all of them to help.

"Rain, please, I don't know what to do and I need your help and I—"

"Woah woah, slow down big guy. What happened to him?" Rain gestured towards Phantom, who was currently curled into a ball on the floor, a mess of tears, apologies, and pleas not to hurt him.

"I have no idea."