do you know i could break beneath the weight / of the goodness, love, i still carry for you?
that id walk so far just to take / the injury of finally knowin' you?
[percy jackson and the olympians]
[oc x oc]
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GROWING PAINS percy jackson and the olympians ———————————————————
CHEZ MAXIME,
IF I HAD BEEN BETTER, this wouldn't have happened. If I had fought harder and thought smarter; if I had bared my teeth and clenched my fists as you taught me, this wouldn't have happened. Maman wouldn't be dead. You wouldn't be alone. I wouldn't be on the run. We'd be together, a proper family.
But that wasn't the case, and this is what I got for it: stranded in a new country, with a new name. Left with weak knees, messy hair, a stolen axe, and the knowledge of a new world—a world that I belong to.
I was created by the Gods, they tell me, sculpted with mud and filled halfway with ichor. An odd mixture, a dangerous one at that. The gold within me begs to be destroyed, pulling in wretched creatures like a dog on a chain. The very ones that tore us all apart. They expect me to lay down my life for them—to pray and gift offerings, to tear myself limb from limb so that my gratitude might become physical. You would hate it (I know I do).
As a child, I used to think things couldn't get any worse—Maman dragging us across the provinces, my lack of friends, and my inability to maintain proper grades. I'll never forget the way I'd plead with her each night, begging that we could just stay. I wanted to sink my feet into the ground and let my roots spread. I wanted to feel some kind of connection to the places and people we'd eventually leave behind—whether that be despair or excitement. I'm less naive now. I know things can always get worse.
I am accustomed to change. It doesn't scare me. Perhaps it even adds fuel to the fire burning within me, but not fear, never fear. I have found, despite my efforts, that staying stationary is what makes my bones itch. I enjoy the thrill of being unknowing, the discomfort of decision, the perception of that which is new. However, I have also come to learn, my giddiness can be attributed to my stubbornness.
