Love And Desire

Chapter 3

I just left for a few hours and my coming back home, mom was seen having sex with four hefty guys?

This is so unbelievable!

I can’t even stand and stare at them in one, making lewd moves on her nudes. And she was liking every bit of it.

That’s it! I’ve had it up to my oesophagus and am going to put up with all her nonsense in this house!

The men got up in shame and took their leave. I held my nostrils as a weird – unpleasant smell smoked out as they pass me by the door.

Mom also stood up and quickly changed into her dress. Her hair looks so messy on her head and her face glowing.

“Hi, sweetie. You’re back so early.”

I didn’t answer. Why should I reply? She doesn’t deserve to be called a mother. She’s just the wrong image of motherhood.

I took a U-turn and out the door, I go.

“Irene?” She called after my name and followed me.

After the conversation dad and I had, he said for me to arrange a few things I know will be vital for me before my date tomorrow.

Is not as if am going to stay there or sleepover for one night. I’ll be flying back to New Zeeland after my date and it doesn’t matter what time I evacuate from that side.

Mom stood by the door, tying her mercury pink night robe. While I continued doing what I was doing.

Actually, I was picking a dress for myself for the date. Dad said I shouldn’t bother for what to wear – including make-up, hairdo and all of that. They’re all taken care off by the palace.

But do I look like I give a shit?

I can do my things myself! Who had time to wear ball gowns, heels, make-ups?

Probably not me.

My outfit is going to look like a bad guy in a good town. Just imagine myself in a super hero outfit, coming to save all the good mothers in the city from my careless mommy!

My mind did a bit of Minnie Minny Mo. It turns out I’ll be settling on a plain black hoodie – complete pair with the black baggy shorts that reached my knees. The hoodie has a white signature NIKE at the left hand side – the edge, basically.

Now, what sneakers would go for this?

White, yes!

I picked a pair of white breathable sneakers like EL in sneakerella movie. The pairs are so soft under my feet whenever I try them on. I ignored mom still staring at me from the door like a lonely rat.

Ah. She doesn’t know what am up to lately and she’ll never find out anything about me. What she needed to know about me was what she last heard about me when we were still buddies.

I added a pair of white stocking. I’m not usually a fan of white and if you ask me why? It’s because my favorite color is black.

I love black. It’s all me. It talks about me, how I feel and everything that has to do with the reality Irene Jacobs!

I place my chosen outfit on the bed and arrange a few things in my room. Then, I went downstairs to wash the dishes.

I bumped pass mom on the door. She followed me like a shadow – still not saying anything until when I started washing the dishes.

“Irene –“

“If you want money for cigarettes, I have none. Try again later, thank you for trying this ATM machine.” I said without taking my eyes off the plate I was washing.

“I never wanted to ask you money.” Her voice suddenly turned low like a saint. This is not how she talks before.

“Then what do you want?” I turn on the faucet to rinse the plates.

“I –“

Why is she acting like she’s scared of me now? She is never nice and she can’t pretend to be nice to me.

It won’t work. Not now, not ever!

It won’t turn my hatred for her into likeness.

“Are you leaving soon?” She waited for my response but I never said a word. “Have your father told you about it?”

Okay, that’s it! It’s none of her business whatever dad and I discussed. She’s already out of the league long ago.

I finished rinsing the plates. I wiped the last one with a clean towel before hanging it. Then, I faced her. “You see, dear mother. Whatever happens in my life or what I tend to do is none of your concern. Just back out, okay?”

She chuckled. Probably think am kidding. “I know you’ll be going to meet your future husband soon. I’ll set one of my sexy dress for you. You’ll definitely look cute in it. And Prince Harry won’t help look at you like forever –“

“Oh please, stop it!” I objected. I didn’t even know when I raised my voice. “I don’t want to fit into your slutty dress that smells the cologne of a whore and secondly, I don’t want anyone to look at me like forever.” I quoted with my fingers. “In fact, stay away from me!” I left her presence.

Still, I thought this woman was going to let me be but she just kept following me like a puppet.

“Irene? Irene dear, wait and listen to me. Ire….”

“I don’t want to! Leave me alone!” I shouted to the top of my voice when I got to my room’s doorpost. She suddenly jolted in shock.

I couldn’t help with the tears rolling down my cheeks.

It’s just……just too painful. My own mother I thought to always stay by my side turns out to care much about sex, cigarettes and alcohols than me.

She doesn’t even listens to me or care about how my daily life goes. All she cares about is bring in a man that gives her good fuck, club at night and drink herself to stupor.

I don’t just get it.

I want to live with grandma. This was not the type of life I planned or wish for. Mom and dad separated. Am left in the middle with no choice but to marry a beast – I guess.

“You’re not just the YOU I use to know, dear mother.” I cried. “You suddenly changed. I never imagined my own mommy being a professional harlot. And our house a house for sex?”

No, no, no, Irene. Don’t cry now, it’ll only boost her happiness seeing how sad you are.

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hands and I saw her crying too. Probably fake tears. “Five days from now, I’ll be getting married to an unknown man – dad’s choice. What? Does it bothers you?” I laughed nastily. “No, right? It doesn’t matter if you sell me out just for your own benefits. After all –“ I shrugged. “You’ve always wanted this house all for yourself!”

Before she shook her head vigorously and said a word, I went downstairs to pack up a few things from the kitchen.

Actually, they’re kitchen utensils – special ones and I’ll be needing them if this date must hold.

Don’t ask me what I want them for.

I got a black briefcase and place everything inside. Mom kept following me but stopped when I bang the door shut in her face.

Through out that day, I cried my ass in the bathroom. I overheard mom crying from outside my room. And at night, I called grandma on video call when I sat on bed. She got a bit mad when she saw my swollen red eyelids.

She said if not that my date was tomorrow, she’d have told me to stay back.

She gave me some words of wisdom and encouragement. She said to come see me in England when the time is due.

What does she mean by that? Hope it’s not when I start having babies.

BABIES?!

Fuck me! I never thought about this too. It’s so disgusting imagining myself at this tender stage of life, carrying babies in my womb for a verified idiot.

God, please. I beg you, do everything and anything you can to ruin this upcoming wedding. I don’t want it to hold because I don’t want to marry.

I never wished for a Prince charming. I don’t do Disney or fairytales. I just want to go to Stockholm for college and study nursing.

Please, dear God. These are all I ask for.